August 30, 2011

Will the craziness ever end??

Last night we went to visit Daron. Got there just before 5pm & had to end the visit just before 6:30pm. We were hoping to be there longer, but due to an outburst from Daron, Taylor & I had to leave early. It all started with Taylor acting like a normal 7 year old boy - he was running around outside & keeping to himself. It bothered Daron & he yelled at Taylor, then grabbed his head. I tried to calm Daron down by telling him that Taylor was fine by running around. Yes, Taylor has to listen to both Mom & Dad, but it's hard for him to listen to Dad when his Dad isn't around. Daron then decided to blame me for him being where he is & that's what fully ended the visit. An hour later Daron sent a text apologizing to Taylor, but he stands by what he said to me - it's my fault he's there.

I am so tired of being told that it's all my fault. I'm not the one who has been yelling, cursing, hitting, smacking, pushing, belittling, making family members feel worthless, etc for the last 2 years. I'm not the one who tried to jump out of a moving van. It's Not My Fault!!!! Even Daron's doctors have told him & I that they won't be sending him back home because it isn't safe anymore. I just want all of this to end. I want to get past this point of the dementia & move on. I just want to have one visit where we don't have to leave early because of Daron's attitude & behavior.

I know that Daron wants me to visit him on Thursday (my birthday) so we can go out to dinner, but now I'm not so sure I want to go. Since it will be my 30th birthday, I don't want drama, anger, outbursts, craziness or anything else that will ruin the day. This whole thing has already stressed me out enough, I just want to enjoy my birthday --- is that to much to ask?? I don't think so. So now I have to call ahead of time & ask the nurse how he is doing attitude & behavior wise. If he is having a tough day, I won't go & he will just have to get upset over that. I hate to say this, but he is as bad as my 7 year old & I have to remind him that he doesn't get everything he wants when he wants it. Life doesn't revolve around him. Life doesn't revolve around me either, I would just like a stress-free birthday just once in my life & I think that my 30th needs to be stress-free (as stress0free as possible that is).

August 26, 2011

Life is so confusing

The last post I talked about the possibility of moving Daron closer to home. But sadly that isn't the case just yet. Apparently he doesn't meet the VA requirements for a nursing home (other then the CLC). Because he is able to do things for himself - shower, eat, dress) they feel as though he doesn't need to be in a skilled nursing home. They do feel like he will fit into an assisted living environment, but the only one the VA will pay for is the GR Veterans home - which is closed for at least the next 3 months. So, until that time, Daron will be staying in Battle Creek at the CLC until something changes.

I was able to talk with his doctor on Wednesday morning. I was able to share my concerns because Daron wants to come home. They were talking of sending him home, but after I shared my concerns about his safety, they agree that he can't come home. It just isn't safe for him to be home anymore.

Please continue to pray that Daron will adjust to the fact that he will be in Battle Creek for awhile. Every time we visit him, he asks to come home or says that he wants to come home. It is tough on him to understand that he is where he needs to be right now.

Please pray for Taylor as well. He is really starting to have a tough time with his Dad not being around. He is acting out a lot more then normal. I'm sure that he is getting tired of being inside due to the humidity. I'm praying that once school starts, he won't have as many problems....but I don't know.

Please continue to pray for me. Taking care of Taylor, the house & myself are taking a lot out of me these days. Then you add in the drives to Battle Creek to visit Daron 2x a week. That makes for one tired & stressed out me. Please pray that I will be able to continue to take care of everything that I have on my plate. I know that the Lord will give me the strength that I need for each day. But it is tough to ask all the time. Honestly, the last few days have been really tough. Anger has been one of my best friends & I need to break off that relationship immediately.

Thank you all for your prayer support & encouragement.

August 20, 2011

Short visit, but better then no visit

Taylor & I went to see Daron today. We left the house about 11am, but I had a few things I needed to get done before we fully headed to Battle Creek. Plus, I wanted to make sure that he was done with lunch when we got there. We made it to Battle Creek by 1pm just as it started to storm. We hung out in Daron's room for about 30 minutes. The whole time Taylor was being Taylor in every aspect & Daron was falling asleep. So at 1:40pm I decided that it was time for Taylor & I to leave. We gave hugs & kisses, listened to Daron tell us that he was ready to come home, told Daron that we missed him & said bye. Considering that it takes an hour to get there & an hour to get back, 30 minutes kind of seemed like a waste of time, gas & energy for a visit. But I know that Daron enjoys every visit that we make. I know that Taylor needs to see his Dad as much as he can & I need to see my husband.

After today's visit, I am praying harder that Daron gets moved to Lowell this week or next. Taylor & I are having a tough time dealing with the drive out there multiple times a week. Plus, my van is having issues with the drive. When I got home today, it was making a very odd noise that did go away, but still.

Will you please join me in this prayer?? I know that God has opened all of the doors for this move to happen. I know that the care team at the CLC is all for moving him closer to help with his quality of life. I know that it will help us as a family to be closer to each other. I also know that I have a ton of prayer warriors who read this blog. I know that you are all behind me & I appreciate every single one of your prayers!

August 19, 2011

Enough Is Enough

I honestly don't know how much longer I can physically go on like this.

I'm not sleeping well - I have slept good when Daron isn't in the same bed (even if he was kicking my all night long). I do have Duke who sleeps in bed with me, but that's not the same. I haven't had to sleep alone like this since Daron & I moved in together in March 2002.

I'm not eating well - I just don't want to eat these days. When I do force myself to eat, I can only eat a little at a time & then I feel sick to my stomach. I have basically just been grazing on & off throughout the day, which isn't a good thing. But that's all I feel like doing. I only do that because I know that if I don't eat I'll have quite a few people getting on my case.

My moods are out of control most days - I feel sad, happy, angry, upset, depressed, frustrated, confused, tired, exhausted, annoyed, stressed out & agitated all within the course of an hour numerous times a day. I'm sure it has to do with everything that I'm having to deal with, but I don't like feeling this way at all. I feel like I am always getting on Taylor's case for stupid little things - like leaving the door open a crack - & I hate doing that to him. Daron just called me & I didn't even feel up to talking to him for longer then a few minutes. Even being around him or talking to him makes me upset & like crap. He's always telling me that he's coming home or that I don't visit enough or that I never talk to him. My moods are so out of control that I can't even keep myself from taking a guilt trip every time I talk to or see him.

I can't keep my house clean - As soon as I clean one room, Taylor the tornado, Lilly the hurricane or Bobby the monsoon go through & destroy it. Then I'm stuck having to go through it again. I have cleaned my kitchen 10x in one day already & that's it. I have toys, bikes, books & other junk strewn throughout my living room & you can follow that all the way to where the kids are at any given moment of the day. If my mother-in-law were to see my home in this condition I would surely getting a talking to about how my house is supposed to come before my family or anything else. But I just can't handle that right now & I can't handle the daily grind of massive cleaning right now either. Getting Taylor adjusted to the new normal is more important to me. I have to get that under control before school starts - then I can worry about the house.

I need a vacation from everything - Between babysitting 3-4x a week (anywhere from 5:30am - 4pm), visiting Daron 2-3x a week (Mon, Thurs, Sat), church 2 days a week (Wed night, 2x on Sunday), getting Taylor ready for school (bedtime routine, wake-up routine, adjusting to life)......I don't have any time to myself. Don't get me wrong, I love going to be with my supportive church family as much as possible. I get a lot of my strength from the many strong Christians there who love & support my family. But I just feel like I am drowning & no one is willing to throw me a life saver & pull me back to sanity. Honesty, just the thought of being with a kid that's not my own for 9+ hours a day 3 days a week makes me want to change my address & not tell anyone where I am for a month or more. Even the thought of being with my own kid most days makes me feel that way. I just need a break from everything that is going on.....is that to much to ask?? 

I'm sure it sound like I'm whining right now, but that's just how I feel today. I have to get these emotions out somehow & this is the best way for me to do so. I know that once I get Daron closer to home, Taylor starts school & I can take a breath from everything; live will fall into place & I can focus on other things that need my attention. At least I hope that will happen. Every time my phone rings I cringe because I don't want to talk to anyone these days. Every time the phone rings I know that it is going to be someone who has a ton of questions for me, wants something from me, wants to take up the small amount of time that I have to myself. Every time the phone rings Taylor starts talking to me & the dogs start barking - they want my attention as well. I know that is my only line to the true outside world most days, but there are days when I just want to be left alone by everything & everyone. There are days when I just want to stay in bed all day & ignore everything that life has in store for me.

Part of me is saying that I need to apologize if I possibly offended anyone by anything that I have put here. But these are my personal emotions & I have a right to say what I feel & how I feel. I am sorry if I offended anyone - If I did offend you, please keep in mind that these are my feelings & I do have a right to share them. The main point of this blog is to get things off my mind & throw them into cyber space. As well as to update everyone on what's going on with Daron, Taylor & I. Well, this is what's going on with me. Take me for who I am today & wait until tomorrow to see what I become after going through all of this. Everyday makes me a stronger person & everyday has its own share of struggles. Today is a day full of struggles, but I am holding onto the truth that tomorrow is a new day & will be full of surprises. Thankfully my Lord takes me for who I am - scarred, broken, spilled out, confused, angry, everything. He is the only One who understands everything that I am going through & He knows the outcome of this entire thing.

August 18, 2011

Maybe this time it will all work out

I talked to Daron's social worker today & got things started on getting Daron moved to Laurels of Kent in Lowell. She contacted the social worker that I talked with at Laurels & is in the process of sending Daron's records to them. Our hope is to have him moved later next week or the beginning of the following week.

Please continue to pray for the following:
*Daron -- his dementia is throwing everything in a loop. While visiting today he was very set on coming home to get housework & outdoor work done. He has days of clarity & days of confusion - the days of confusion are just going to come a lot more often.
*Taylor - School starts on Sept 6 & he is still having some issues with this new normal. Pray that he will be able to control his outbursts before & during the school year.
*Myself - Pray for strength & wisdom through all of this. I am handling things as best as I can, but I still have my days. When is comes time to move Daron to Laurels, I will have to transport him there myself (the VA won't do that). Please pray that I will be able to make the proper decisions between now & then to make his move easier.

August 15, 2011

Another one of those days

Tonight has been another difficult one. Who ever would have thought that folding clothes could be so emotional? Not me......at least not until tonight. This whole situation is showing me many numerous things that I never would have thought would be emotional. Like tonight, I was folding & putting away my laundry....that's when the tears started again. Knowing that I will be folding only my laundry for the rest of my life. Seeing Daron's clothes in the closet did it as well. That's gonna be a tough one to deal with - knowing that in order to keep them from collecting dust, I am going to have to pack them away in totes. (I will be able to rotate Daron's clothes at the nursing facility, but not often enough to keep them 100% clean).

I know that part of this is from the fact that Taylor was in bed, the house was quiet & I was left alone with my thoughts. But I'm always left along with my thoughts. The difference this time is the fact that I know what is going on with my husband & I know what is going to happen to my husband in the days/weeks/months/years to come. I know that I will be a married single mom for the rest of my life. I know that I am turning 30 soon. I know that this new life is going to take some adjustments. What I didn't know was how difficult this adjustment was going to be on me emotionally. I didn't know that my heart could hurt so much just from looking at his clothes. I didn't know that I could break down in tears just from folding clothes. I didn't know that my entire being would be overwhelmed with everything that I am going through emotionally.

I trust that my Father in heaven has my life in His hands. I trust that He knows what the future holds. I trust that He will not give me anything that I can't handle. I trust that He will walk with me every step of this journey. I know that I have wonderful family & friends supporting my family & I in their prayers. I know that I can visit my husband anytime that I want to (or that I am able to that is). I know that I love my husband with every fiber of my being & that will never change. I know that I am strong enough & stubborn enough to get through this.

As a side note - I left a message with the person who deals with the VA contracts & is the go between person between the VA & Laurels of Kent (she was out of the office). I am hoping to hear back from her tomorrow about moving Daron closer to home.

August 14, 2011

Why can't I fall sleep anymore?

I have noticed that I am having a lot more issues falling asleep these days. It's to the point where I am up past midnight almost every night. I go to bed as soon as I know that Taylor is asleep, but then after 30 minutes I get out of bed & try to tire myself out......doesn't work. What's worse - I have to be up at 6am Mon, Tues, Wed & Fri this week to babysit, plus get Taylor into a school routine (bed routine & wake up routine) & I have to try to go out to see Daron at some point this week. Oh, don't forget all the phone calls that I have to make to try & move Daron to Lowell. Maybe that's why I can't sleep....I know that I have a ton of stuff on my plate the next few weeks. I can't even think about going back to sleep anymore after the kiddo I babysit gets here...I need to get myself into my school routine as well. This is a crazy time in my life & I don't know what I'm gonna do about my sleeping habits. All I know is that I have to get things under control -- when I sleep really well I feel better & have more energy. I just have to remember to hand everything over to God before I climb in bed & while I am trying to fall asleep. I need to cling to the promises in Psalm 4:8 every single night "I will lie down & sleep in peace, for You alone, O Lord, make me dwell in safety."



Now that I'm done processing all the info....

Last Tuesday (Aug 9) I was told that moving Daron closer to home would be tough since the VA contract would only pay for 14 days of rehabilitation. At that time I thought that Daron needed to have long term rehabilitation or PT. Since then I have talked to quite a few different people, done a lot of processing of information & have come to a decision.

My decision is to move my husband to Lowell before Taylor starts school. I have discovered that Daron will get restorative care as part of his long term care. That means that the nursing staff will help him stay in the physical shape he is in now. I would like for him to get care that will help him from deteriorating anymore than he already has. I understand that his MS will cause him to deteriorate as time goes on, but the restorative care will keep it from happening faster then it needs to.

This decision is also from the fact that the Lord opened all doors that needed to be opened. I was able to get a tour set up quickly for the Lowell facility, I was given peace over the situation, they are willing to work with him in the way he needs, there are a lot of young guys around Daron's age, there are veterans already there, there is an activities group for his age group, freedom to attend church, freedom to leave the grounds for meals with family or family functions -- All of those are the most important doors that needed to be opened & the Lord opened every single one of them. 

With that being said, I am coveting your prayers on this. I don't know how quickly this will happen. I have some phone calls to make tomorrow to get this started. I'm hoping that this will happen this week or next. With Daron being closer to home, I will be able to visit a lot more during the week, he can help Taylor with homework, we can have dinner together. Please pray that the people I call will be willing to help me with this. Please pray that the move will not upset Daron. Most importantly, please pray that Laurels of Kent in Lowell is still able to accept him into their care.

August 13, 2011

Made It Through

So I survived today!! Thankfully there were not a ton of people who wanted to talk about the situation with Daron. A few people asked me about him or asked what they could help me with. I was thankful for the few people who talked to me, but I think I was more thankful that so many didn't. I know that seems odd, but I didn't want to answer everyone's questions. If I had done that I would have been answering the same questions over & over & over & over again - that would have been way to difficult emotionally. I was already emotionally exhausted when I got there & even more so when I left.

Thankfully I decided to end my evening at my friend Tara's house. She was having a candle party & I knew it would be good for some laughs. It was....I needed to laugh like that & not have to think of anything in particular. I am so glad that I decided to do that. I truly needed that!!

Now to get ready for tomorrow.....

Not So Sure About Today

Today Daron's family is having their Annual Tilburt Family Get Together. Normally I would be excited to go & hang out with the extended family. But not so much this year. With Daron being in the CLC & not knowing how many people truly know what's going on with him, I'm hesitant about going. I'm sure everyone will be kind & caring, but I'm also sure there will be lots of questions. I'm still not emotionally ready to deal with a ton of questions from the extended family. It was tough on Wednesday night at church trying to answer their questions without completely breaking down in tears. If I couldn't handle talking to people that I see multiple times a week, how am I supposed to handle talking to people I see only 12 times a year??

I know that Taylor really wants to go hang out with his cousins & swim & play......but I'm not ready to sit & be bombarded with a million questions, looks of sympathy & everything else that goes along with this situation. I don't know what to do.............

August 12, 2011

Open & Honest

The last week has been tough on me. Contacting a long-term nursing facility close to home - only to be told that it wouldn't work. Then touring another facility & liking it - only to be told it wouldn't work because contract won't pay for rehab/pt. Being told that I only have two options in the facility pile - but one is closed to admissions for 3 months. Making my only option keeping my husband in Battle Creek. Today I got an email from the neurology clinic nurse in Ann Arbor basically telling me that I don't have a say in my husband's care until a neuro-psych test says that he can't make his own choices anymore.  All I ask is to be kept in the loop of my husbands care & help make decisions. Is that to much to ask??
Anyway, the whole point of this post is to be open & honest. To get my bottled up emotions out so that I can move on to the next chapter of my life as a married single mom.Tuesday I found out that my husband will be staying in Battle Creek. Tuesday night I was packing a suitcase with clothes to take to my husband. That's when I lost it emotionally. That's when I realized that.....one half of my bed will always be empty......my best friend/husband/other half is an hour's drive away.......my best friend/spouse/other half won't remember who I am after awhile......I'm going to be 30 on Sept 1st but I have to celebrate it without my best friend/spouse/other half......I'm going to be a single mom but I'm still married until parted by death......

That's when I felt utterly alone in the world. I sobbed for half an hour - not a normal sob though, a sob from the depths of my soul that racked every part of me until I was so broken & exhausted that I just fell asleep. That was the best night of sleep I've had in over a month. I was so broken & empty that my mind didn't have to keep running for no reason. I was just able to sleep.

Wednesday came & I had to drive to Battle Creek to get Daron settled. Since I didn't get a phone call or anything telling me what to bring, I only took him some clothes/pajamas so he had more choices as to what to wear each day. I got a later start then I had planned to because I was just so utterly exhausted from the night before & everything leading up to this day. On the way there I was listening to JQ99 & listening to Chris and Emilee (my favorite morning show). I was barely listening to the radio while I was crying out to my Heavenly Father as I was driving down the road. Since I wasn't really listening to the songs that were playing or the words that were said, I was just thankful to have some music in the background. Then out of nowhere I heard this song come on almost like the radio had turned itself louder. The song that played was Safe In His Arms by Phil Wickham. What an amazing reminder at the exact moment that I needed to hear it. I am safe in His arms no matter what I am going through.

That's no the only song that has been an encouragement to me during this time. The song I turn to when I need it is Strong Enough by Matthew West. That is a powerful song that is full of so many wonderful reminders that God is stronger then we are & He can handle everything that comes in our path. He is the true source of our strength - all we have to do is ask for that strength every single day!! He will give us His strength & the best part is that He never runs out of strength!! I truly can do ALL THINGS through Christ who gives me Strength!!


August 11, 2011

Got to Visit! Woo Hoo

Taylor & I got to go see Daron today in his new place!! We got there about Noon & stayed there until about 3pm. It made for a very loooong day, but glad that we got to go see him. We all went for a walk together, Daron & Taylor played on the special double swing together (one side has a normal seat & the other has a wheelchair ramp) - I think that was Taylor's favorite part of the entire day.
I am so glad that Taylor will be able to visit his Dad any day that he wants to. He had so much fun today & was so sad when we had to leave. I couldn't tell if he was upset about leaving his Dad or if it was because he couldn't swing on the special swing anymore. But at least he had fun.

Please continue to pray for Daron as he gets adjusted to his new surroundings - he is the youngest one on that ward. He is also trying to get used to his new "normal" - has to do somethings on their schedule (meals, meds, shower). He does have some freedom to do things on his own.

Please continue to pray for strength for him mentally, physically, emotionally & spiritually. They do have a chapel with a protestant service, but from the way he was talking yesterday, I don't know if he will go. When asked about spiritual preferences & how important it is to him to attend services or talk to a chaplain, he said that it didn't really matter to him. A chaplain did come in & talk to him today as an introduction kind of thing....but nothing more then that.

Please continue to pray for Taylor & I as we deal with our new normal as well. I learned today that being out of the house from 9:30am until 5:30pm is very exhausting. I know that both of my guys had fun...I'm just drained from the drive & everything else. Pray that I can keep my strength up everyday so that I can handle days like today. Once school starts, the only days that we can do like today will be Saturdays. I hope to be able to visit Daron at least 2x a week if not 3x. It just depends on Taylor's school schedule & routine - homework will have to be done & then their is the bedtime routine as well. I know that God will give us the time together that we need as a family!!

August 10, 2011

A New Normal Has Begun

Today I went & got Daron settled into the CLC (Community Living Center) in Battle Creek. He was moved this morning about 9:30am. I go there about 10:15am & was there until after 3pm. Right now he does not have a roommate, so that is a good thing. I was able to change his side of the room around to make things a little easier for him & open his side a bit more for his wheelchair. Honestly, I don't know how they are going to handle another person with a wheelchair in there, but that will be for them to figure out. LOL

Taylor & I are going to go spend the day with him tomorrow & do a walking tour of the grounds. Now that he is in a open unit, I can take him outside anytime - I just can't leave the grounds without requesting a day pass first. Since the grounds are so big, I am sure that we will have a wonderful time finding where everything is.

He does have a new mailing address. That is:
Daron Tilburt
CLC 84-1
5500 Armstrong Rd
Battle Creek, MI 49017

Please feel free to send as many cards & notes of encouragement as you would like. Every time he receives a note or card, it brightens his day. If you would like to visit him though, please contact me first - either through this blog or through Facebook. That way I can give you proper directions :-)

Now that our new normal has begun, let the new chapter of our journey as a family begin!

August 9, 2011

Apparently It Was Just Not Meant To Be

Well, I got another door closed in my face today. I found out from the VA social worker that if I want to move Daron to Laurels of Kent in Lowell, I have to give up Rehab/PT for him. Apparently the VA contract will only cover 14 days worth of Rehab/PT. Daron cannot afford to be sedentary for the rest of his life without some form of PT. So my only options are the Community Living Center (CLC) connected to the Battle Creek VA Medical Center or the Grand Rapids Home for Veterans. The GR Home for Vets is closed to admissions for 3 months - doesn't matter if he moves from the medical center or not, they can't move people around at all right now. So, right now I am left with the CLC.

I might be able to move Daron to the GR Home for Vets in 3 months, but it all depends on his dementia between now & then. I don't want to move him once he has become acclimated to the CLC, developed a routine & made it home......only to pull him out of that in 3 months & place him elsewhere. If his dementia is progressing faster then expected, it will be to confusing for him to move from one place to another in that short amount of time.

I am learning everyday that I have to leave things to the Lord each morning. He has to be in charge of my days, not me. I think this is why I had such a hard time sleeping last night. I had a feeling that something wasn't right. Instead of praying about it (which I should have done), I tried to force the thought from my head. That only led to tossing, turning & 2.5 hours of sleep total. Now I will remember that when these thoughts come into my head, I need to hand them directly to my wonderful Father in heave & let Him handle them. There truly isn't anything in my life that He can't handle. He knows what I am going to deal with each day & only He can give me the strength & peace to deal with them.

August 8, 2011

Very Thankful

There are so many things that I am very thankful for these days.

- I am thankful for an amazing church family. They have sent Daron card of encouragement over the last month. They ask about him every time they see me. They ask Taylor specifically how he's doing through all this. They have sent notes of encouragement to Taylor & I.

- I am thankful that my Mom has been so supportive through all this. Looking back we got to see how God had her work in long-term nursing facilities in order to help me get through this.

- I am thankful for supportive friends as well. Each one of my friends has helped me through this in their own unique way.

- I am thankful for those who have supported me in their own unique way. There are many people who I don't know who are praying for Daron & our family. Thank you to each person who is supporting us in prayer!!

- I am thankful for Daron's family.

- Most importantly, I am thankful to my Heavenly Father! He has given me so much strength & peace during this time. I have learned that everything happens in His time & for His glory. I stand on the words of David in Psalm 139:16b "All the days ordained for me were written in Your book before one of them came to be." That is a wonderful promise to remember!! God knew that all of this would happen long before any of us were born. My Father knew that I would need to lean on Him more then ever during all of this. He knew that I would be begging for peace & strength each morning before even getting out of bed. He knew that I would be looking into nursing facilities & He led me to the perfect one. Thank you Father for your unfailing love, unending strength & peace beyond comprehension!!!

August 5, 2011

When God closes one door He Always opens another

Wow!! Today was such an interesting day. After hearing that I wouldn't be able to get Daron into Laurels of Sandy Creek in Wayland, I contacted Laurels of Kent in Lowell. They were able to set up a tour right away. I got there about 4:30pm today. As soon as I walked in the door I was filled with an overwhelming peace. Since everything has been so hectic about getting him into a nursing facility & finding the right one, I was thrilled with the peace I had. The social worker took me around the facility & showed me the courtyard (where they do cookouts once a month for the guests), the wing that Daron would be staying in & everything else.

I was very glad to see that there were quite a few guys right around Daron's age there as well. Plus, he told me that there were 3 veterans there already. That was a huge encouragement. Then we sat down to talk about what Daron would need care related, how bad his MS is, how the dementia is effecting him, etc. I was able to ask every question that popped into my head & he answered every single one.

The VA is going to 100% cover his care in that nursing facility for the entire time that he is there. I only have to pay for the DirecTV that will be hooked up to his TV ($10 a month) & the land line that I have installed in his room. I have to provide his clothes, but they will wash them for me. Taylor & I will be able to visit anytime we want to 7 days a week. I can even bring my dogs there to see him. I will also be able to bring him to church on Sundays - if he feels up to going.

I am so thankful that the Lord has opened the way for this facility. I had been looking at the veterans home because it is only veterans there. But I was having such a tough time with getting things together to go with the application, I was having problems getting my questions answered, I wasn't able to get in to tour the facility, etc. I have been working on all of that for a month. With Laurels of Kent I was able to get my questions answered, get a tour & see the staff interact with people all within a few hours.

Thank you Lord for your provision, wisdom & strength in this situation. I am so glad that I followed Your guidance once again.

God is in Control

The nursing facility that I was supposed to tour today called me. They are not able to take any veterans right now. So I set up a tour at another nursing facility after 4pm. I know that God closed the door on the first nursing facility for a reason. I am leaving everything in His hands while it comes to this second nursing facility. Plus, I am taking the application to the veterans home on Monday. These are my last two options of getting him placed closer to home. The nursing facility that I am touring is 30 minutes from my home & located in Lowell.

Please pray that God will guide me to the correct facility for Daron. This is one of the toughest decisions that I will make in my young life. As I enter my 3rd decade on Sept 1st, I am reminded more often that my dreams as a young girl are not the same as God's plan for my life.

Pray also as I file paperwork for complete decision making in regards to Daron. I have been trying for a long time to get power of attorney, but could only convince Daron to a certain point. Now that he has dementia secondary to his MS, he can no longer make his own decisions properly. I know that has to be tough on him, but that is unfortunately how MS works in some people.

Please continue to pray for us as a family. This is a new normal that we are entering in our lives & it will take some getting used to.

August 4, 2011

Newest Update on Daron

OK......so here is another update on Daron:

So far he is still in the VA Medical Center in Battle Creek. I spoke with one of his social workers today & we are working together to move him to the proper nursing facility. He has dementia secondary to his MS. That means that he is need of more care than I will be able to provide. I am working on the application for the Grand Rapids Home for Veterans, but that is turning out to be more difficult with each passing day. It is amazing how much information they want from one person. Plus they have a 2 month waiting list right now.

Anyway, they recommended another facility for me to look into today. So on Friday the 5th at 4:30pm I go to The Laurels of Sandy Creek in Wayland for a tour of the facility. This is one of the few facilities that the VA has a contract with - that means that with Daron being 100% service connected disabled the VA will cover all of the cost (at least that is my understand. I am going to triple check that). Taylor & I drove out to the facility today to make sure I know where it is. It is only a 20 minute drive from our home. That in itself makes it nicer than the Battle Creek nursing facility.

Please continue to be in prayer for me as I make the proper decision for my husband. With him having dementia, it makes it harder to discuss these things with him.

Please continue to pray for Daron as well. This whole situation is difficult for him - mentally & emotionally - to understand due to the dementia.

Please continue to pray for Taylor. He is really having a tough time with his Dad not being home any longer.

Struggles

I have been struggling to.... ....get out of bed in the morning. ....be a good mom. ....take care of my house. ....take care of myself. ...