August 15, 2011

Another one of those days

Tonight has been another difficult one. Who ever would have thought that folding clothes could be so emotional? Not least not until tonight. This whole situation is showing me many numerous things that I never would have thought would be emotional. Like tonight, I was folding & putting away my laundry....that's when the tears started again. Knowing that I will be folding only my laundry for the rest of my life. Seeing Daron's clothes in the closet did it as well. That's gonna be a tough one to deal with - knowing that in order to keep them from collecting dust, I am going to have to pack them away in totes. (I will be able to rotate Daron's clothes at the nursing facility, but not often enough to keep them 100% clean).

I know that part of this is from the fact that Taylor was in bed, the house was quiet & I was left alone with my thoughts. But I'm always left along with my thoughts. The difference this time is the fact that I know what is going on with my husband & I know what is going to happen to my husband in the days/weeks/months/years to come. I know that I will be a married single mom for the rest of my life. I know that I am turning 30 soon. I know that this new life is going to take some adjustments. What I didn't know was how difficult this adjustment was going to be on me emotionally. I didn't know that my heart could hurt so much just from looking at his clothes. I didn't know that I could break down in tears just from folding clothes. I didn't know that my entire being would be overwhelmed with everything that I am going through emotionally.

I trust that my Father in heaven has my life in His hands. I trust that He knows what the future holds. I trust that He will not give me anything that I can't handle. I trust that He will walk with me every step of this journey. I know that I have wonderful family & friends supporting my family & I in their prayers. I know that I can visit my husband anytime that I want to (or that I am able to that is). I know that I love my husband with every fiber of my being & that will never change. I know that I am strong enough & stubborn enough to get through this.

As a side note - I left a message with the person who deals with the VA contracts & is the go between person between the VA & Laurels of Kent (she was out of the office). I am hoping to hear back from her tomorrow about moving Daron closer to home.

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