August 30, 2011

Will the craziness ever end??

Last night we went to visit Daron. Got there just before 5pm & had to end the visit just before 6:30pm. We were hoping to be there longer, but due to an outburst from Daron, Taylor & I had to leave early. It all started with Taylor acting like a normal 7 year old boy - he was running around outside & keeping to himself. It bothered Daron & he yelled at Taylor, then grabbed his head. I tried to calm Daron down by telling him that Taylor was fine by running around. Yes, Taylor has to listen to both Mom & Dad, but it's hard for him to listen to Dad when his Dad isn't around. Daron then decided to blame me for him being where he is & that's what fully ended the visit. An hour later Daron sent a text apologizing to Taylor, but he stands by what he said to me - it's my fault he's there.

I am so tired of being told that it's all my fault. I'm not the one who has been yelling, cursing, hitting, smacking, pushing, belittling, making family members feel worthless, etc for the last 2 years. I'm not the one who tried to jump out of a moving van. It's Not My Fault!!!! Even Daron's doctors have told him & I that they won't be sending him back home because it isn't safe anymore. I just want all of this to end. I want to get past this point of the dementia & move on. I just want to have one visit where we don't have to leave early because of Daron's attitude & behavior.

I know that Daron wants me to visit him on Thursday (my birthday) so we can go out to dinner, but now I'm not so sure I want to go. Since it will be my 30th birthday, I don't want drama, anger, outbursts, craziness or anything else that will ruin the day. This whole thing has already stressed me out enough, I just want to enjoy my birthday --- is that to much to ask?? I don't think so. So now I have to call ahead of time & ask the nurse how he is doing attitude & behavior wise. If he is having a tough day, I won't go & he will just have to get upset over that. I hate to say this, but he is as bad as my 7 year old & I have to remind him that he doesn't get everything he wants when he wants it. Life doesn't revolve around him. Life doesn't revolve around me either, I would just like a stress-free birthday just once in my life & I think that my 30th needs to be stress-free (as stress0free as possible that is).

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