October 31, 2011

Halloween 2011 - Trick or Treat

My silly little man going trick or treating. He's Gingka from Beyblade (a cartoon he watches).

For someone who refuses to knock on his friends doors, he did a great job tonight going door to door. He didn't want to go to every house though, but he still got a good deal of candy.

That's my little boy.....crazy & all. LOL

October 25, 2011

Sick of being sick

I have been sick for what seems like the entire month of October :-( & I hate it. It all started with a very odd virus that caused a temp, nausea & vertigo for 24 hours. That turned into pure exhaustion starting the day after the initial symptoms ended. That exhaustion lasted for the last 3 weeks. Now I have a massive head cold - sinus pressure, painful cough, tons of mucus.......just plain miserable. On top of all that I am still exhausted from the initial virus. I even had to miss church on Sunday from this junk. I hope that I will be able to kick this out of my system as quickly as possible. I detest being sick all the time. I have a lot of things that I need to do around the house, at church, at Taylor's school & just in life in general.

Heavenly Father - I thank You for being the Great Physician. I ask that You place Your strong healing hands over me & heal my body. I trust that You will heal me in Your precious time & I thank You for that. You know what my body is going through more then I do & You know what all the stress that I have been going through is doing to my body. I ask that You will take this stress from me & bring peace to my life that will allow me to heal properly, Lord. Thank You for being there for me through all of this. I pray in Your Son's name - Amen!

October 13, 2011

A peek inside the life of a married single Mom

Ok, so I have been thinking of writing this for awhile. Now seems as good a time as any. I just want to give you a peek inside a "typical" week for me - a Married Single Mom. This will probably get kind of long, but please understand that this is my life on any given day. Thanks!

Let's start with Sunday....
-alarm goes off at 7am....I finally crawl out of bed around 7:30am & take a shower & get dressed.
-wake Taylor up around 8am.
-leave for church between 8:50 & 9am
-get home from church around 12:30pm
-lunch around 1:30pm
-Taylor plays outside until 4pm
-get ready church 4:45pm
-church
-get home from church about 7:30pm & make dinner
-put Taylor in bed as close to 9pm as possible.
-clean up from the day
-get to bed as close to 11pm as possible
That's just Sunday.

Here's the rest of the week:
Monday....
-alarm goes off at 6am
-get Taylor up at 6:45am
-leave for school at 7:30am
-drop Taylor off at 8am
-get back home & do things around the house until 3pm
-leave to get Taylor at 3pm
-get home around 4pm
-decide on what to make for dinner while Taylor is outside
-have dinner, spend time with Taylor, clean up from dinner, get Taylor to relax & calm down
-put Taylor in bed at 9pm
-get a few more things done, crochet or read
-in bed by 11pm

Tuesday follows the same pattern as Monday except that...
-pick up the little girl I babysit at 7:20am
-get her back in bed at 8:10am
-get her up at 10:15am
-hang out with her & try to get a few things done while she is over
-drop her off at 4pm
-get home about 4:20pm & work on Taylor's homework

Wednesday follows the pattern of Tuesday but instead of homework,
-it is an easy to fix dinner
-leave for church at 5:15pm
-AWANA starts at 6:30pm
-get home by 9pm
-get Taylor in bed by 9:30pm

Thursday is the same pattern as Monday just add in homework with Taylor

Friday is the same pattern as Tuesday but without the homework

Saturday is my laundry, hang out with Taylor, go see Daron is possible, relax somewhat & do anything I wasn't able to do Monday thru Friday kind of day.

Ok, I am exhausted just typing all of that. No wonder I am so tired all the time. That is a lot for one person to handle. Then you add in the fact that I am married & need to talk to my husband, visit my husband & take clothes to him.......

I really need to applaud those completely single Mom - whether by divorce or death. They are true heroes in my book. I am a single Mom in almost every sense of the word - I do everything by myself around the house & take care of my son without having my spouse there to help me. The only difference is that I am married to a wonderful man whom I love deeply. Nothing has changed in my life except that I don't have a spouse or second parent to talk to or to help me. I am very thankful for the time that my husband was at home & all of the help that he provided before his MS really took over.

I only posted this "typical" week to show you that there is a reason behind my being tired (or lazy as some might say). There is a reason behind my being irritated when someone makes a comment about the way my son acts, the way the house looks, the way I look or act. Taylor & I are still trying to figure this whole thing out & I think that we are doing pretty good. We have our moments - we are quite alike personality wise after all. But we are getting through & at the end of each day I thank God for the strength that He has given me, for my son, for my husband & for my life in general. I know that I'm not perfect & I won't be perfect until I reach Heaven.......but I am giving this my best shot & praying for the best. Only God can get me through this. I know that He will never give me something that I can't handle. I know that He will always be beside me every step of the way & that when I can't go on anymore He will carry me. I know that He will give me the daily strength that I need to make it through each one of those days listed above. I know that things will come into my path that I feel like I can't overcome, but I know that He will help me overcome them each & every single time.

Heavenly Father,
Thank you for everything that you have given me. Thank you for my husband. I know that he can't be in the home physically anymore, but I thank you for giving him to me. I thank you that I can talk to him every day even though I can't see him. I thank you that his quality of life has improved since being in Battle Creek. I pray that you will continue to be with him. He needs you now more then ever Father & I thank you for being there for him. 
I thank you for Taylor. Many people have asked if I want another child, but I know that I am beyond blessed to have him. Thank you for entrusting his care to me Lord.Thank you for his determined & strong-willed spirit. Thank you for the laughter that he brings me every day. I pray that he will be with him every day Lord. You know more then I the struggles that he is facing through this time. I ask that You will be his strength & comfort. 
I thank you for my home Lord. I thank you that you have given me a shelter from the storms in life. I thank you for the fortress that it has been these last few months. 
I thank you for my church family Father. They will never be able to fully understand just how much they have helped my family during this time. I thank you for bringing us to Good News Baptist. I pray that you will continue to bless that church in a special way.
I thank you for my family & my extended family. I know that I have not always been the best daughter or daughter-in-law, sister or sister-in-law, niece or cousin. I pray that you will remind me every day just how blessed I am to have each one of the members of my family there when I need them. I ask that you bless each of them beyond comprehension.
I thank you for all that you have done for me & all that you will do for me. Thank you for your strength daily Father. You know that is the only way I make it through each day. Thank you for your comfort when the days seem dark & depressing. Thank you for carrying me when I need to be carried. Thank you for being my Father!! Thank you for every blessing that you have given me & for each blessing yet to come. In You Son's Name - Amen




October 12, 2011

Life is just plain crazy

Here I am in a new month -- October 2011. Daron has been in Battle Creek for 3 months now. Taylor & I have survived the start of a new school year, the start of a new AWANA year, adjusting to being a two-some at home & just dealing with life. Last week I was sick - nausea, slight fever & pure exhaustion. I am still trying to deal with how utterly exhausted I have been. There were times I felt like I blink & loose a few hours of time. But I am slowly recovering from this & I will get through.

But I am getting frustrated about something & I need to vent those frustrations.....so here goes nothing... ***Please keep in mind these are my personal feelings. This is just how I am feeling right now while writing this blog. I am only venting in order to release stress***
......I am so frustrated that I can't stay on top of my house & keep it clean. I have the time during the day to work on one room a day. I am sick of looking at my home knowing that I can't have anyone over. I hate the fact that I have an anxiety attack anytime my in-laws say they are going to possibly stop by with little to no notice. I hate that there are people in my family & friends who judge me on how my home looks. I just hate it!!!

There are days where I look at the house & tell myself "I can't change anything just in case Daron does for some reason come back home." "Daron won't like the change that I made." "Daron always blamed me for the way the house looked so why change it?" "My mother-in-law would chew me out for the way this house looks so I need to change it to make her happy." WHY DO I CARE WHAT OTHER PEOPLE THINK OF ME?!?!?!? Why can't I do anything that makes me happy? Why do I always have to consider other people's thoughts or concerns when it comes to my family & my home? Why do I try to please others??

I have worked really hard these last few months to get parts of my home under control, just to have Taylor & the little one I babysit destroy all of my hard work. Wait...I can't put all the blame on them...I have destroyed the work myself as well. Maybe I have gotten to comfortable with the way my home looks -- it looks lived in & it looks like I have children in the house. Maybe I am going through a point of depression to some extent - can you blame me? My husband is in a nursing facility because I couldn't take care of him anymore. If I couldn't take care of my husband what makes me think that I can take care of a house?? If I couldn't take care of my husband what makes me think that I can take care of myself or my son?

I know that I CAN take care of myself, my son, my pets, my house & anything else that God puts in my way in the days to come. I know that I CAN get my life back under control. I know that I CAN deal with the rough road that lies ahead of me with God's help. I know that I CAN get off the couch, loose the weight, clean the house, toss the junk & move on in my life as a married single Mom. I know that I have to put myself, my son & my home (in that order) back to the way it needs to be. I know I CAN, I know I CAN, I know I CAN.......I just have to do it!!!!

Amazing Father in Heaven, please give me the strength that I need to get through the minutes, hours, days, weeks, months & years ahead. You know what I am facing better then I do. You know what I have to get through each day. You are the only one who can help me get through all of it. AMEN!!


***Update on Daron***





Taylor & I went to see Daron on October 10, 2011. It was a short trip due to the time that we got there, school the next day & Taylor being wiped out from school already. Daron has a new motorized wheelchair to get himself around the VA campus. Taylor had fun driving it while sitting on Daron's lap. I don't know who was having the harder time controlling the chair -- Daron or Taylor. I guess it's gonna be a toss up for now. LOL

Struggles

I have been struggling to.... ....get out of bed in the morning. ....be a good mom. ....take care of my house. ....take care of myself. ...