December 12, 2011

Back were we started.......now what?

After a conversation with Daron the other day, I realized that we are back were we started. :-(   I know that because we had the same exact conversation that we had a few months ago. Apparently this is normal in people with dementia since they can't keep track of things like a "normal" person does. Basically I am reminded of the movie "Groundhog Day" where he repeats the same day over & over & over & over again. That's the best way to describe a relationship with someone who has dementia - you have to repeat conversations over numerous times. You can repeat them over the course of a day, a few days, a week, a month.....you never know how long you will have to have the same exact conversation with someone.

On top of all that, when you have the same conversation, you have to remember that the person with dementia will never remember that you have had the conversation each time. So in a way you can control the conversation - how long it will last, where it will lead, etc. But the biggest thing to remember is that you can't take over full control. If you do that, then the person with dementia can possibly freak out if they wanted to talk about certain things. It is kind of crazy how many things there are to remember when you talk to someone with dementia.

Then there is the emotional side to caring for someone with dementia. It is crazy emotionally draining. If the person with dementia says something rude & hurtful, you can't really call them on it because they have no don't realize what they are saying when they say it. A person with dementia looses their ability to filter what they say & when as they progress in the dementia. That is quite possibly the hardest things to remind yourself when you are in the moment. I have to admit that personally, for me, it is really hard for me to not react when Daron says something that is absolutely uncalled for, hurtful, rude, inappropriate or just downright mean. Best way to describe it - imagine getting punched full force in the gut over & over by someone who love more then anything in the world, then looking at that person & saying "Thanks honey", then letting it go & ignoring the intense pain that you are in. That's probably a rough comparison to hear, but that's the way it feels to me at times.

With all that said, please don't think that I don't love my husband. I am absolutely head over heels still in love with my husband. I want the best for him each & every day. I want him to get the best possible care. There are just a lot of days when I don't want to answer the phone when he calls because I know that we will have the same conversation that we had the day before (or the same conversation we have had for a week straight). That sounds bogus, but it's true. I never thought I would get to the point when I would dread hearing my phone call & seeing Daron's name on the screen. I never thought I would want to turn my phone off for an entire month just so I wouldn't have to repeat a conversation. But that is my reality right now. That's the journey that I am on right now & I have to take this path for the time being. I know that the Lord will get me through this time in life. I just honestly wasn't expecting to get to square one again this soon. Now that I am having to start over, I have to remind myself that this will pass soon & I just need to fully rely on God to get through this time.

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