December 21, 2011

I wonder........

Here we are 4 days before Christmas & I am starting to wonder a few things.....

--Have I absolutely done all that I possibly could for the best of my family??
      **Yes I have! I have put my son & my husband ahead of my own needs each & every time. Even though being apart from my husband is the hardest thing in the world, I know that I have done all that I possibly could for the best of my family.

--Is there more that I could have done in order to make sure that I did my best for my family??
      **I don't think so. I do all that I can & give everything that I can each day that the Lord gives me on this earth. There are times that I look through the rear view mirror & wonder if I handled things properly, but I never regretted anything that I've done over the last few years.

--Why does God put tough situations in our paths while we take this journey called life??
       **I really think that God put tough situations in our path in order to make us stronger & remind us that we need to rely on Him for everything. That has been the biggest thing that I have learned through all of this. If I didn't have God's strength to get me through every day I know that I would not have made it through any of it.

--How tough is this Christmas going to be on Taylor & I now that Daron is an hour away??
       **That is a tough one to call right now. We are going to see Daron on the 26th to celebrate Christmas with him then. But other then that it really is to tough to say how tough Christmas will be. I'll just have to wait & see how things go.

--How can I feel so lonely when I am surrounded by wonderful friends, family & the best son ever??
        **I miss my husband - the man that I married 9 years ago. The man who was apart of my life just 3 years ago. I miss the companionship of that wonderful man. I miss having someone to bounce ideas off of. I miss having another parent to help me deal with Taylor. Taylor & I have gotten closer over the last few months & we are learning how to get on as just the two of us. Taylor has even said himself that he is lonely & misses his Dad from 3 years ago. We both know that Daron is in Battle Creek, but that isn't the Daron that we remember & miss. I'm so thankful that Taylor remembers the good times with his Dad & is starting to forget the bad times.My prayer is that the bad times will disappear from his mind forever. 

--Did I do what was absolutely in Daron's best interest by putting him in the Battle Creek VA??
       **Yes I absolutely did & no one will ever tell me otherwise!! I know that there are people out there who think that I just dumped my husband so I wouldn't have to deal with him anymore or because I don't love him anymore. That Is Not True!!! Daron is in the Battle Creek VA in order to get the care that he needs. I have taken care of him for 2.5 years, but in a way I was not taking care of him. He needed better care then I was giving him. Now he is getting that care. He may not think that he needs to be there, others my not think that he needs to be there, but he does! He needs 24-7 medical care & he is getting the care he needs now. So to those who think that I am a bad wife for placing him in the Battle Creek VA........Please stop trying to make me feel like I'm a horrible wife!

--Is there a way that I could take care of Daron at home on my own safely??
       **No! Daron needs around the clock care & I cannot provide that type of care....ever. The only way for him to get around the clock care is to be in a nursing facility. At the Battle Creek VA he has a life & he has acclimated -- he has a job, he has PT 3 days a week, he has people to hang out with, he has regular activities that he goes to, the take him on outings.....life is better for him at the Battle Creek VA. As hard as that is for me to admit as his wife......I Cannot Take Care Of Him On My Own Anymore!

So that is what I've been wondering these last few days. Now to finish off 2011 on a good note with my Lord. I know & trust that He will have many adventures for me to face along this journey as I enter 2012, but I also know that He will get me through each & every one of them. There will be times that He will have to carry me along the journey, but that's OK. I need to be carried sometimes in order to get through some thing is one piece. If I try to get through some thing on my own I will get myself into trouble & make things worse. God knows exactly what He is doing each & every time!! Thank You Lord for always being there for me!

No comments:

Post a Comment

Two Years...How Is That Possible?

How is it possible that two years ago today Daron left this earth and entered Heaven? It still feels like it was yesterday at times. This y...