December 28, 2011

What is going on?!?!?!??

Taylor & I went to see Daron on Monday December 26 for Christmas with him & my in-laws. We had a great day while opening gifts & spending time together. Taylor was so excited with the gifts he got from his grandparents & Daron seemed to enjoy having his family there for a few hours. Taylor & I left 2 hours after we got there (the longest that we have stayed) & headed back home. I called Daron about an hour after we got home to let him know that we made it ok & that's when something odd happened.........

Daron started to talk about wanting to leave the VA. Now I have had this conversation with him many times before & can usually change the subject easily. This time was different. I couldn't understand some of the things that he said & he didn't like that he had to repeat himself. But then he said that he was going to  sign himself out. I asked Daron where he was going to go & he said that he was going to move in with his parents. (Please keep in mind that both of his parents on in their 60's, his Dad has MS as well as a bad back & shoulder & his Mom works a few days a week. Considering all of that information & the fact that Daron needs 24-7 care, that would not be a good place for him to go. I mean, if I can't take care of him myself at 30 years old, how can his parents - no offense to them at all!)

I tried to talk Daron down from his thinking pattern & his agitation, but it didn't work this time. When he began yelling at me I had to hang up the phone. Unfortunately that is the only way to end a conversation when he is that agitated. He did call back & tell me that he was going to fill out the paperwork & I had to let him do so.

After ending the call with Daron I immediately contacted his parents & let them know. Then I called the psychologist who sees Daron & the charge nurse that night & alerted both of them. The nurse made it seem like it wasn't a big deal & I haven't heard from the psychologist yet. I called today & spoke with the charge nurse to get an update on Daron - I haven't heard anything from him since our conversation Monday night. She said that he is doing fine & hasn't mentioned anything to her about wanting to sign himself out.

My biggest concern is that this whole situation is going to start up again tomorrow - since that will be day 3 since he talked about doing this. With his dementia he probably doesn't understand that he needs to fill out the paperwork first & then the 3 days begins. I am concerned for his safety & the safety of the staff & the safety of his parents above everything else. I am worried that if he is told that he can't sign himself out he will just leave the building, try to come home or go to his parents & get lost along the way. I am worried that we are entering a really difficult phase of his dementia & that this topic is going to come up a lot more often.

I am just worried about my husband & best friend. I don't like seeing him like this. I know that it is the disease that is making him act this way, but I don't like it & I don't have to like it either. I don't have to like the fact that MS & dementia are slowly taking away the only man that I have ever loved. I don't have to like the fact that MS & dementia are taking away my son's father. I don't have to like that fact that one day my husband will look at me & not know who I am. I don't have to like any of it. But I have to trust in GOD that He knows exactly what He is doing in this situation. I have to trust that God alone will get me through this. I have to trust that God will give me the strength that I need to get through everyday. I have to trust that God will give me the peace that passes all understanding. I don't have to like what is going on, but I have to trust the One who already knows how this will play out.......the One who knows the outcome.......the One who will not give me more then I can bear......the One who is always beside me through every step........the One who will carry me when I can't go on anymore.......My Father, Savior, Deliverer, Creator, Beloved!!! He alone will get me through this. He alone will get my family & extended family through this. He alone will never leave or forsake me!!!

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