February 28, 2012

God Is So Good!!!

We got amazing news today! Daron is being transferred to Laurels of Kent in Lowell, MI on February 29 at 11am!!!!! I am so very excited & so is he. This is much closer to home, easier for family, church family & friends to visit him & he will get better care then he was getting at the VA. **I am not saying that the VA doesn't give good care to our veterans. I'm just saying that our experience with them was not the best.**

As soon as I get him settled in & get the mailing address, I will post it so all of our friends & family can continue to send him cards of encouragement!

February 27, 2012

Married Solo/Single Mom - Just a few thoughts from my perspective

As I previously posted, I am reading an amazing book entitled "Married Mom, Solo Parent" by Carla Anne Coroy (Visit her website Here). In this book she talks about what she went through as a Married Solo Mom. What is a Married Solo Mom? you might be asking. A Married Solo Mom or a Married Single Mom is a woman who is in a committed marriage & has children, but her spouse is not there physically, emotionally, spiritually or mentally. There are many things that can cause this & she does cover that in the book. (Keep reading & I will better explain the difference between the two.)

I have been enjoying this book as I slowly read each chapter, makes notes on what I've read & then go through the Personal Reflection Journal. I am only two chapters in, but it really has made me think a lot about the situation that I am. I consider myself a Married Single Mom because my husband is no longer in the home, but we are still in a committed marriage. I have learned that my situation might be different from other Married Solo/Single Mom's out there, but we all have something in common - we are married & yet we are taking care of our families alone. It is tough to be in this type of situation, believe me. I do everything around the house & have had to learn how to do a lot of things that are normally a "man's job". Just this week I will be replacing the knobs on the tub in Taylor's bathroom. Granted I had to ask a man at church how to do it, but I am confident that I will accomplish this task on my own & I will be proud of myself when it is finished. But that is just one thing on a long list of many things that need to be taken care of around my home. I must admit, I actually enjoy learning all of these new things.

Anyway, I got off track. I was talking about how difficult a Married Solo/Single Mom's job is. A Married Solo Mom has their spouse still in the home - from time to time - & is given a small reprieve from certain tasks. Others have their spouses gone for long periods of time with the knowledge that he will be returning home & will help her once again with the family dynamics. Then there are those - A Married Single Mom (like me) - whose spouse is out of the home due to an illness & there is the knowledge that he will not be returning home. Honestly, I don't know how many Married Single Mom's there are who are in the same situation as I am. I really wish I knew so that I could connect with them & ask them how they handle it. I mean, most wives (or husbands) do have to put their spouse into a nursing facility at some stage in life - but 9 times out of 10 it is when they are older & the children are out of the home with their own families. Don't get me wrong, I know there are women my age, give or take a few years, who have had to place their beloved husband into a nursing facility for rehab from an injury or illness. I understand that & I am not saying that they don't struggle with it. What I am saying is this....no matter how or why you are a Married Solo Mom or a Married Single Mom, it is a tough situation for any woman of any age to deal with.

I can only speak from my situation & that is all the experience that I speak from. My situation is crazy, annoying, tough, rewarding, hectic all at the same time. There are days when I dread getting out of bed because I know that I have to face the day & the challenges alone. Those days are really tough to handle. Most of those days start & end with Taylor being in a grumpy mood (I swear he is entering adolesence really early) for some unknown reason. Those are the days when I just want to stay in bed with the covers over my head & pretend that it is still nighttime & the day never started. But then there are those days when I am so thankful to be a Married Solo/Single Mom. Those are the days when I get to handle all of the junk that life throws at my family in a way that truly works for us. Those are the days when I can make all the decisions - good or bad - knowing that no matter the outcome I made the choice. Those are the days when Taylor & I really connect on a deeper level as Mother & Son. Those are the days when Taylor & I are chasing each other around the house trying to tickle each other. Those days are filled with tons of laughter. While I dread the days when things go wrong, I know that I have to get through them in order to become a stronger woman, wife & mom. Even though I really hate having to go through a tough day in order to get to a good day, I know that they are there for a purpose.

It's like that in anyone's life whether you are married, single, or a married solo/single parent, we all have those days. It's what we do with those days that matter the most in life. If we just lay in bed & pray that the day will end soon so we can start fresh, we have wasted a perfectly good day that the Lord has given us. If we look at a rough day with a poor attitude, we are wasting the possibility of an amazing outcome. Trust me, I need to learn from my one thoughts & advice on that one. It really is how we look at each day & how we tackle it that really matters in the long run. Yes the rough days seem to be closer together for some of us more then others; but sometimes the ones who get more rough days have a better outlook on life (not all people will agree with that statement & that's ok). I know for me personally, I have come through a lot of rough days & then looked back on them as a learning experience. I mean, come on, hindsight is 20/20. We need those rough days to make us stronger in our faith, in our relationship with Christ & in our relationships with those around us. When those good days come.....watch out world we are on fire.......as long as we have taken the time to learn from the rough days first. That is what will help us turn those rough days into better days.

I hope that some of what I rambled on about helped you to see Married Solo/Single Mom's in a different light. Please do not look at a Married Single/Solo Mom & feel sorry for her. She is a strong woman who needs your support, not your pity. We may be on a different path in life then you are, but in the end, we are all Married Moms in look of a support system to help us get through the ups & downs of parenting. Pray for the Married Solo/Single Moms in you life, neighborhood, church, community that you know. That is the best support that you could possibly give them - the knowledge that you are daily laying them before the One who can give them the strength that they need. 

With all that said......Are you a Married Solo/Single Mom? Are you going through a rough time dealing with that fact? Do you wish there was someone who could give you advice on how to live in your situation? Are you yearning for a way to help other Married Solo/Single Mom's? Are you a foster mom or an adoptive mom? If you answered yes to any of these questions, please visit Carla Anne Coroy's website by clicking Here. You can read a sample of her book, read her blog or even send her a message. Plus, if you are willing to share your story with her, please click this link right here! She is currently interviewing mom's for a new project & is offering some great incentives. If you decide to request an interview packet (click on Contact (or just click here) & select Interview from the drop menu) please make sure to let her know that I referred you. **Disclaimer - I am not being compensated for recommending Carla Anne Coroy's book or website. Yes, there is a possibility of a prize for referring people who would like to be interviewed. That is not why I am doing this at all. I am just a passionate person who would like to help other woman get the advice or help they are searching for.**

February 15, 2012

An Open, Honest View Into My Heart & Life

**Heads Up ---- This is an open & honest post. I have been praying over this post for awhile now & have realized that it needs to be shared. The following post is full of my honest feelings, thoughts & opinions on what is going on with my family. Some of you might consider some of what I have to say as whining & complaining. If you do not want an open & honest view into my life, please stop reading now & wait for the next post. Any & all comments on this post will be reviewed & only the positive ones might be posted. Thanks!**

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I have been feeling extremely lonely these past few months. Part of that is from what has been going on since July 2011 & part of that is from all of the firsts that I have had to deal with. First, let me list the "firsts" that I have dealt with:

~My 30th birthday
~Our 9th Anniversary of marriage & 10th Anniversary since first date
~Thanksgiving
~Taylor's Birthday
~Christmas
~Starting a New Year
~Valentine's Day

Granted there are still a few firsts that I will have to deal with....Daron's 40th birthday being one of them. But the list above were the hardest to deal with for different reasons. I never really realized just how tough those would be to go through alone. Granted I wasn't truly alone....I had my family & friends around me, & I was able to talk to Daron or see him at some point around those. It just wasn't the same. I have been used to Daron being home for each & everyone of those events & now he isn't. Honestly, that really stinks!!!


I am physically, mentally, emotionally alone each & everyday that has passed so far, as well as each day that will come at me in the future. I go to bed alone, I wake up alone, I make parenting decisions alone, I make household decisions alone........everything is by myself. I know that there are women & men out there who are single, single parents, or going through the same kind of situation -- I am not is any way saying that I am different from anyone of them. I am not saying that they don't have it has difficult or worse then I do. I am simply stating how I feel & how I think in the situation that I am in. This is all from me & from my point of view. With that said.......


I hate being alone! I didn't marry Daron just so that 9 years after our wedding I could be left alone to raise our son while still being married to him. This situation was something that I knew would happen at some point, I just thought it would be a lot further down the road. But God knows what He's doing. There are days when I really just want to walk away from everything. Yes I would be nice to hand the caregiver role to someone else for awhile & enjoy my life the way I was meant to enjoy it. Yes it would be nice to not have to drive an hour each way to see my husband for only 30-45 minutes each week. Yes it would be nice to just live in a "normal" marriage for a change. But I won't, I can't & I don't. 


It breaks my heart every time I am around my married friends & their spouses. I'll be honest (that's what this post is about)......I dread going to class parties, even though I know I am not the only single girl there - plus I'm not even truly single....I am still married after all. I just dread going because there are a lot of happy-go-lucky married couples there & I am without my spouse. I love my class & we always have a fun time hanging out together. Plus I know that none of the couples rub their marriage in my face. My issue is just the constant reminder that I am married yet single & that stinks!


Thankfully, I have found a book that I am slowly working my way through. It is called Married Mom, Solo Parent by Carla Anne Coroy (visit her website Here). Normally I would be done with a book like this & on to the next one, but I can't read this one as fast as usual. She has a lot of really good points in it. She was in a similar situation - her husband's work/school/church responsibilities kept him out of the home for long periods of time & left her to raise their family, be in charge of the finances, take care of the house & yard work all alone. I am so thankful that God caused this book to jump off the shelf at me. I saw the title & realized that just it described my situation to a perfect T. Now I am just working through it with an open heart, mind & soul; asking God to allow me to drink in from her experience in order to quiet my negatives thoughts. **Be on the look out for future posts regarding what I am reading.**


Trust me, I know that I am not fully alone in any way. I have some wonderful friends, an amazing church family & my own awesome family around me when I need to talk to someone. It is just in my own home behind closed doors when I feel the most alone. I know that God is there with me when I am behind closed doors as well & that He will never leave me. Please don't misunderstand anything that I am saying. God is always there & He will be my emotional husband for as long as I need Him to be. But honestly, there is no real way to truly explain to people how I feel unless they are going through the same thing or something similar. Life around the Tilburt house is not what it used to be & it will never go back to that. Taylor & I are left at home confused, alone & picking up the broken pieces as best we can. Everyday I battle my inner demons of depression, anxiety, self pity & many other things that I don't feel comfortable sharing. Please know that even when I say things are fine, there is something hiding just below the surface that God understands even when I don't want to share it. I constantly covet your prayers, support & encouragement. Life will go on the best it can & I know that I will come through this a stronger woman. I mean, look at Job in the Bible -- if God was willing to allow Job to go through all of that horrible suffering in order to test his faith, why should I think that He won't do the same to me. I'm not better then Job - I'm probably worse. Like Job 23:10 says "But He knows the way that I take; When He has tested me, I shall come forth as gold." This is a true test of my faith & only I can decide how I will handle this test. I can either shrivel up into the fetal position & give up......or I can stand strong, put on the full armor of God (Ephesians 6:13-18),  take on the promise of Philippians 4:13 "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" & face this test head on. That is the only way that I will ever be able to make it through this craziness we call life. I am just passing through & I need to face these obstacles in order to get to the finish line. I will make it, I am strong enough, I am loved by numerous people, I am loved by an Awesome God who has said "I will never leave you nor forsake you" (found numerous times in the Bible). God will keep his promise & He will see me through this.  I just have to remember...If God brings me to it, He will bring me through it. 


I know that was a lot to take in & a lot of it did sound like whining or complaining. Plus it was probably all over the place. That's just how my mind works these days. I hope & pray that through everything you just read you will be able to sense just how much I have to rely on my God, my family, my friends, my church & my prayer warriors. Life is hard, but there is so much good in it. I am slowly learning to truly open my eyes to the good in the world. When I do take the time to truly hand my day to day life over to God He blesses me beyond my human comprehension. If you are going through a tough situation in your life, I pray that you have a strong Christian support system in place. But above that I pray that you have a relationship with the One who can give you the strength that you need -- Jesus Christ! He alone will help you through everything that you are going through. He alone will give you the peace, strength & comfort that your heart is so desperately looking for. He alone is the only One who can truly say "I will never leave you nor forsake you." If you don't have that relationship with Jesus Christ, I pray that you will be open & willing to accept Him into your life. Talk to the pastor of a local Bible believing church. Talk to Christian friends or family members. You can even talk to me via email - just post a comment & I will respond. You don't have to go through alone, just like I don't have to go through this alone. 


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Heavenly Father, 

I just thank You for all that You have brought me through so far. I know that You made me stubborn & strong-willed for a reason. Thank You for being the one true constant in my life recently. I know that You alone give me the strength that I need to get through each day. Thank You for that strength! 

I pray for each person reading this blog post, Father. You alone know what they are going through & You alone can bring them through it. I pray that they will learn to fully rest in Your  promises, Lord. I pray that they will rely on the amazing strength & peace that You alone can give. If there is someone reading this post who doesn't know or trust You as their personal Savior, I pray that You will send Your Holy Spirit to them to encourage their hearts to find You. Bring someone into their life that they can talk to, Lord. Give them what they need to take that step in faith & accept You as their Savior. 


Thank You for all that You have done & all that You will do in my life. Thank You for all that You are, Lord. I pray all of these things in Your Son's Holy name - Amen!

 


February 7, 2012

Lord, I Need Your Guidance, Wisdom & Strength

On February 8th I will be traveling to Battle Creek to meet with Daron's care team to discuss his care. There are many things that I want to bring up with them & I know there are certain things that they will need to discuss as well. I am asking you to join me in prayer as I pray for wisdom, discernment, guidance & strength to get through the meeting without loosing my temper or saying something that won't make any sense. I am also asking the Lord to open the minds of everyone in the meeting so they will be able to discern what is right for Daron from what isn't. I know & trust that the Lord's will will be done in this entire matter. I know & trust that all things work together for good when we allow the Lord's will to be done. Only the Lord knows the outcome of this meeting before it even takes place.


Heavenly Father, Thank You for always being there for Your children when they need You. Thank You for knowing what will happen in our lives before we do. I humbly come before You requesting the strength, wisdom & discernment that is needed for this meeting. I ask that Your will be done in this entire matter. I ask that the doctors do what is best for Daron. Please give Daron the peace of mind that he needs in order to accept the outcome of the meeting, whatever that may be. Thank You for being with Daron while he is in the VA apart from his family. Thank You for everything that You have done for my family during all of these years. I pray that all of these things be done within Your will & in Your Son's name...Amen!

Struggles

I have been struggling to.... ....get out of bed in the morning. ....be a good mom. ....take care of my house. ....take care of myself. ...