February 27, 2012

Married Solo/Single Mom - Just a few thoughts from my perspective

As I previously posted, I am reading an amazing book entitled "Married Mom, Solo Parent" by Carla Anne Coroy (Visit her website Here). In this book she talks about what she went through as a Married Solo Mom. What is a Married Solo Mom? you might be asking. A Married Solo Mom or a Married Single Mom is a woman who is in a committed marriage & has children, but her spouse is not there physically, emotionally, spiritually or mentally. There are many things that can cause this & she does cover that in the book. (Keep reading & I will better explain the difference between the two.)

I have been enjoying this book as I slowly read each chapter, makes notes on what I've read & then go through the Personal Reflection Journal. I am only two chapters in, but it really has made me think a lot about the situation that I am. I consider myself a Married Single Mom because my husband is no longer in the home, but we are still in a committed marriage. I have learned that my situation might be different from other Married Solo/Single Mom's out there, but we all have something in common - we are married & yet we are taking care of our families alone. It is tough to be in this type of situation, believe me. I do everything around the house & have had to learn how to do a lot of things that are normally a "man's job". Just this week I will be replacing the knobs on the tub in Taylor's bathroom. Granted I had to ask a man at church how to do it, but I am confident that I will accomplish this task on my own & I will be proud of myself when it is finished. But that is just one thing on a long list of many things that need to be taken care of around my home. I must admit, I actually enjoy learning all of these new things.

Anyway, I got off track. I was talking about how difficult a Married Solo/Single Mom's job is. A Married Solo Mom has their spouse still in the home - from time to time - & is given a small reprieve from certain tasks. Others have their spouses gone for long periods of time with the knowledge that he will be returning home & will help her once again with the family dynamics. Then there are those - A Married Single Mom (like me) - whose spouse is out of the home due to an illness & there is the knowledge that he will not be returning home. Honestly, I don't know how many Married Single Mom's there are who are in the same situation as I am. I really wish I knew so that I could connect with them & ask them how they handle it. I mean, most wives (or husbands) do have to put their spouse into a nursing facility at some stage in life - but 9 times out of 10 it is when they are older & the children are out of the home with their own families. Don't get me wrong, I know there are women my age, give or take a few years, who have had to place their beloved husband into a nursing facility for rehab from an injury or illness. I understand that & I am not saying that they don't struggle with it. What I am saying is this....no matter how or why you are a Married Solo Mom or a Married Single Mom, it is a tough situation for any woman of any age to deal with.

I can only speak from my situation & that is all the experience that I speak from. My situation is crazy, annoying, tough, rewarding, hectic all at the same time. There are days when I dread getting out of bed because I know that I have to face the day & the challenges alone. Those days are really tough to handle. Most of those days start & end with Taylor being in a grumpy mood (I swear he is entering adolesence really early) for some unknown reason. Those are the days when I just want to stay in bed with the covers over my head & pretend that it is still nighttime & the day never started. But then there are those days when I am so thankful to be a Married Solo/Single Mom. Those are the days when I get to handle all of the junk that life throws at my family in a way that truly works for us. Those are the days when I can make all the decisions - good or bad - knowing that no matter the outcome I made the choice. Those are the days when Taylor & I really connect on a deeper level as Mother & Son. Those are the days when Taylor & I are chasing each other around the house trying to tickle each other. Those days are filled with tons of laughter. While I dread the days when things go wrong, I know that I have to get through them in order to become a stronger woman, wife & mom. Even though I really hate having to go through a tough day in order to get to a good day, I know that they are there for a purpose.

It's like that in anyone's life whether you are married, single, or a married solo/single parent, we all have those days. It's what we do with those days that matter the most in life. If we just lay in bed & pray that the day will end soon so we can start fresh, we have wasted a perfectly good day that the Lord has given us. If we look at a rough day with a poor attitude, we are wasting the possibility of an amazing outcome. Trust me, I need to learn from my one thoughts & advice on that one. It really is how we look at each day & how we tackle it that really matters in the long run. Yes the rough days seem to be closer together for some of us more then others; but sometimes the ones who get more rough days have a better outlook on life (not all people will agree with that statement & that's ok). I know for me personally, I have come through a lot of rough days & then looked back on them as a learning experience. I mean, come on, hindsight is 20/20. We need those rough days to make us stronger in our faith, in our relationship with Christ & in our relationships with those around us. When those good days come.....watch out world we are on fire.......as long as we have taken the time to learn from the rough days first. That is what will help us turn those rough days into better days.

I hope that some of what I rambled on about helped you to see Married Solo/Single Mom's in a different light. Please do not look at a Married Single/Solo Mom & feel sorry for her. She is a strong woman who needs your support, not your pity. We may be on a different path in life then you are, but in the end, we are all Married Moms in look of a support system to help us get through the ups & downs of parenting. Pray for the Married Solo/Single Moms in you life, neighborhood, church, community that you know. That is the best support that you could possibly give them - the knowledge that you are daily laying them before the One who can give them the strength that they need. 

With all that said......Are you a Married Solo/Single Mom? Are you going through a rough time dealing with that fact? Do you wish there was someone who could give you advice on how to live in your situation? Are you yearning for a way to help other Married Solo/Single Mom's? Are you a foster mom or an adoptive mom? If you answered yes to any of these questions, please visit Carla Anne Coroy's website by clicking Here. You can read a sample of her book, read her blog or even send her a message. Plus, if you are willing to share your story with her, please click this link right here! She is currently interviewing mom's for a new project & is offering some great incentives. If you decide to request an interview packet (click on Contact (or just click here) & select Interview from the drop menu) please make sure to let her know that I referred you. **Disclaimer - I am not being compensated for recommending Carla Anne Coroy's book or website. Yes, there is a possibility of a prize for referring people who would like to be interviewed. That is not why I am doing this at all. I am just a passionate person who would like to help other woman get the advice or help they are searching for.**

2 comments:

  1. Great post, Cathy! I think you are so right... women who choose to look at their situation with eyes that are looking for God's goodness and strength, become strong women. I love how you said so rightly that we are strong women as Married Solo Moms - we don't need your pity, we need your support.

    Way to Go, Cathy!! Bless you.. and thanks for referring others to my blog and the interview!

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  2. You know I'm praying for you, Cathy. This post was EXTREMELY enlightening. I was a Married Single Mom for a time, as I'm sure you know, so I had an idea, but you gave me a whole new perspective. Thanks so much for sharing this.

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