March 16, 2012

Interesting, Crazy, Emotional

Those are the 3 words that best describe this say the least. Part of this post might sound like complaining, but I am venting how this week has made me feel.

On Monday, I got to hang out with my dear friend Deb. I love you tons. I was so excited that she was able to come over & see how I have massively rearranged my living room & dining room (I will post pictures, don't worry). We got to sit & chat for a little while. I always enjoy having girl time with my dear friends.

Shortly after she left I got a phone call from Daron asking me if he could come to the house. I tried to explain to him that I was cleaning from the hectic weekend (don't even ask) & that I wouldn't be able to make it work for that day. Plus, I loving reminded him that he needs time to adjust to the new environment. Well, he told me that a buddy of his had come & picked him up & that he offered to bring him to the house. I'll be honest......I WAS FURIOUS!!! First, I had only very briefly met this friend of his. Second Daron's parents & I agreed that he need time to adjust -- that meant staying in the facility for a month & having all visits remain there.

So I calmed down & let him come over so I could meet this friend. Also, I wanted to tell the friend in person that I was worried about Daron doing that. Thankfully he understood where I was coming from & agreed to contact me on facebook to set things up in the future. I was only worried because Daron is in a wheelchair & has dementia. That in itself makes his decisions hard to trust at times. I know that the friend had good intentions when visiting Daron & was not mad about that. I was just upset that Daron requested that of someone & then expect me to be on board with it as well. This is just a new phase of life I guess.

That was just the start of my week.

Tuesday & Wednesday I spent babysitting all day -- I love the 4 year old that I watch & now I get to watch her 3 month old cousin....a little cutie!! Wednesday night was AWANA - the kids were crazy from this nice weather we have been having. Thankfully, we took them outside for games to try & release some energy (didn't quite help).

Thursday I babysat for part of the day & then ran to Lowell to pick up Daron's dirty clothes. Just before 3pm I received a phone call letting me know that Taylor did something that got him suspended from school for Friday. I won't go into details, but I was very hurt, frustrated & mad about what he did. After picking Taylor up we had to go to Lowell to take Daron's clothes back to him. We weren't there for long since Taylor had gotten into trouble (plus I didn't want Daron to find out about what Taylor did. There's no point in telling him something that will upset him). When we left we decided to go to Millennium Park with my Mom & walk the trials for a little while. That helped me to calm down & it helped Taylor release pent up energy.

Today......plans changed drastically & I wasn't thrilled, but I dealt with it. I wasn't supposed to babysit, but was asked to at the last minute. With Taylor being home from school I knew it would make for an interesting day. That was an understatement. While trying to punish Taylor, I ended up having to take him to my Mom's house so that he could help her as punishment. I just needed a Mommy timeout from everything having to do with Taylor & his suspension. Plus, I needed a way to take some things out of his room without him being home to whine about it.

I am soooooooo incredibly thankful that the Lord never takes a timeout from me when I disobey. That is something that I have to work better at. I end up getting so upset & frustrated with my son not listening that I have to remove myself from the situation before it escalates. If I let it get out of control on my end, then we are both in hot water. I know the Lord doesn't like it when I disobey, but He never leaves me on my own to figure it out. He walks beside me & lovingly guides me to do what is right. He also walks with me & punishes me along the way for what I have done wrong -- in a loving way. I am striving to do this same thing with my son. Most days I fail drastically because I am a sinful parent myself. Other days I am able to keep control & things work for the best. I pray that I will continue to grow in this area of my life with my son. I just need to remember that I cannot make it through this situation or this life without God's help every step of the way!!

**By the way, Taylor is standing right next to me watching me write this. He has made a few comments along the way. I hope that he has realized just what a sinful nature can cause someone to do in the heat of the moment. Plus, I hope that he realizes that God is always walking beside him & that He alone with help Taylor remember to calm down before reacting. I love my son!!!**

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