June 27, 2012

Another Doctor Appointment = Another Trip Across State

Wow...has it been three months already?!? Daron is scheduled to see his neurologist tomorrow morning in the Ann Arbor VA. That means that I get the joy of driving across state. I am going to try to make it to all of the appointments with the neurologist every three months. That way I can stay up to date on what his doctor has to say & can help the nursing home by letting them know. I am hoping that this appointment will be a quick one before his transfusion. Normally, we can sit in the room waiting for the doctor for an hour or more. I am also praying that the doctor will once again be honest & open with me on how Daron is actually doing. I know that doctors have to try & hide things so they don't scare the patient....but I need to know exactly what is going on. I don't like being surprised when it comes to my husbands health.

Thankully, my in-laws were willing to let Taylor & I stay at their house for a day. This way Taylor can play with his cousin & I don't have to get up at the crack of dawn to leave for Ann Arbor. It will be a less stressful day for almost everyone involved. My father-in-law might be a little frazzled by the end of the day. I mean, taking care of an 8 yr old & a 5 yr old aren't easy for anyone of any age. :-) But I know he loves to spend time with his grandkids no matter how crazy they make him.

Please join me in prayer for:
--the drive from my in-laws to Ann Arbor. I have to go through Detroit during the morning & evening rush hours. Grand Rapids traffic is crazy, but Detroit is pure torture as far as I'm concerned.

--Daron's transportation to Ann Arbor. Last month the transport company came to our home, instead of the nursing home, to pick him up. Thankfully I was there last time, but I don't know what will happen if they go there & no one is there.

--my father-in-law as he watches Taylor & my nephew. They are both giant balls of energy & can wear you out just by watching them.

--the appointment with the neurologist. Please pray that the doctor will be open & honest with everything going on. Also, that he will continue to listen to my concerns as well as Daron's.

--the transfusion. Please pray that there won't be any complications.

Thank you all again for your prayers, care & support. It really means a lot to my family!!

June 23, 2012

Something Else I Didn't Think I'd Have To Do Yet

Well, this year has been full of a lot of things I didn't think I'd have to do or deal with yet. On 6/22/12 I added something else to that list. I called a funeral home to look into prearranging Daron's funeral. Please don't think this means he is going to pass anytime soon. I just want to make sure that I don't have to worry about it when he does pass into glory. I have watched to many of my loved ones scramble at the last minute to pay for a funeral & I don't want to have to do that when the time comes. Honestly, I am thinking of prearranging my funeral as well so Taylor doesn't have to worry about it when he's older.

I was actually surprised at how inexpensive the how thing will be. I was sitting here thinking that I would have to spend $10,000 or more on Daron's funeral. But because Daron & I have already talked about what he wants me to do, I don't have to worry about that giant cost. I am so thankful that I made the call, but it was emotionally & mentally draining. A 30 year old wife should not have to call around for pricing for her 40 year old husbands funeral arrangements. But, the more things I do now when my brain can comprehend what I'm doing, the better. At least I will be going into this with a clear head.

After that phone call, I came to a conclusion......everyone should try to prearrange their funeral if possible. I know that people move & they aren't sure where they want their body to be buried just yet, but you should at least call around so you can start saving for it. Now that I know how much I need for Daron's funeral & that I can make payments in order to pay it off ahead of time, I know that will be one less thing to worry about when the Lord calls Daron home. Plus, I can start setting money aside for my own funeral so that Taylor won't have to scramble to get the money together when the Lord calls me home.

Ok, that's enough talk about death. :-) I just wanted to keep to the spirit of my blog - open & honest with everyone. Trust me, that is harder to do than any of you can imagine!

June 21, 2012

Father's Day

Taylor & I got to hang out with Daron at Laurels for a Father's Day BBQ. They provided all the food (good food too....steak, brats, burgers, hot dogs, beans, coleslaw, pasta salad. All of it was yummy). The had tents & chairs set up in the courtyard for everyone. Even though it was a warm, humid day we enjoyed sitting outside. There is a mommy duck with 11 little ducklings living in the courtyard. Taylor had fun feeding his hot dog bun to the ducks. They are so used to people that they just laid in the walkway & watched you walk around them. Taylor was able to get closer then normal to the family before mommy quacked at him.

When the heat got to be to much for Daron, we went back & hung out in his room. He has a new roommate who also has MS. I got to meet the roommates wife for a short time. Since she is older then I am & her hubby has had MS longer then Daron, I would love to be able to sit down & talk to her. I think I could learn a lot from her when it comes to being an MS spouse. Hopefully I will be able to meet her again in the future & then ask her if I can pick her brain.

I'm glad that Daron, Taylor & I were able to hang out for a little while during Father's Day weekend. It was a fun time for all of us!!

June 13, 2012

4 years ago......

.....I started babysitting for a friend of mine. Her daughter was 6 months old at the time. I have watched that little girl grow up, learn to crawl, learn to eat solid food, learn to walk, learn to talk, learn to run, learn to use the potty. I got to go through all of the firsts on childhood again with her. She has been like my daughter/niece for the last 4 years. Taylor has thought of her as his little sister for the last 4 years.

I also started watching the cousin of this little girl 3 months ago. That was fun as well. Watching him learn to smile, roll over, sit up. Making him laugh & learn to make faces. Just having a baby in the house 2 days a week was interesting & fun all at the same time.

Now that time has come to an end. After going through everything with Daron - while watching this little girl - was tough. I wouldn't change anything....but it was time for the babysitting to come to an end. A lot has happened over the last 4 years - not just for my family, but for my friends family as well. Now I get the "joy" of looking for a full time job that works around my availability so that I can still spend time with Taylor. I loved babysitting, but I do need to think about the future for my son & I.

So today was a bittersweet day. Taylor & I had a lot of fun playing the kiddos. When the car pulled up at 4pm to pick both of them up for the last time, I was filled with mixed emotions. I was relieved (lol) that it was time to head home, but I did tear up when I came back in the house. I mean, I love both of those kiddos like they were my own. I know that I will be able to see them because we are all friends. But I won't see them 2 days a week every week anymore.

Another chapter of the story of my family has come to an end. That just means that there is a new chapter beginning & I can't wait to see how is turns out. The Lord has had a lot of twists & turns through the story of my life already. I don't even want to imagine what this nest chapter has in store.

June 10, 2012

Pondering the Past Year's Events

On July 5th (I know it's a month away) it will be a year since Daron went into the nursing facility. In the last year a lot of things have happened, a lot of emotions & moods have been felt, & a lot of tears have been shed. This entire year has been difficult for everyone involved. I know that I am not the only one who has had issues over what took place. With that said, I'd like to share some of my personal feelings from this past year.

After Daron was placed in the CLC in the Battle Creek VA, I remember packing a suitcase of clothes to take for him. I remember crying with each & every item of clothing I placed in that suitcase. I remember crying out to my Father in Heaven asking Him to take those feelings from me. I didn't want to feel that way. I knew that Daron was getting the care that he needed, so I didn't want to feel like I was loosing my husband. I didn't want to feel sorry for myself or my family.

When I was told that Daron had early on-set dementia, I cried once again. My mom worked with dementia patients in the past & I knew what I was facing in the future (near or distant didn't matter). I knew that the days ahead were going to be tough as his mind began to fail him. I knew that at a some point he would forget who his family is. I was also upset over this diagnosis - for all the same reasons. I wasn't ready to go through all of that. Once again I asked God to take those feelings away from me.

When Daron was moved to Laurels of Kent I cried yet again. This time some of those years were happy tears. I was glad that he was closer to home. But, I was worried about him being closer to home. My fear came true one day when he called & said a friend had come to visit him & was bringing him to the house. I freaked out. It wasn't that I wanted him to come to the house. I freaked out because Daron was constantly saying that he was going to come home no matter what the cost. I was worried that this was going to happen & that I would have force him to go back to Laurels. I was worried for him because I wasn't sure how he would handle coming to the house & then have to go back. I worried because I didn't know this friend & I didn't know what would happen. Since that happened, there have been more times when Daron has been close to coming to the house. Every time his parents visit him & take him out for lunch, he calls me & says that his parents are bringing him home. I have had to trust his parents to not bring him home. They haven't brought him to the house & for that I am very thankful.

Every time Daron calls me, I worry about the conversation & what's going to be discussed. 9 times out of 10 we have the same conversation over & over & over again. Those conversations are always about coming home, how he feels as though I dumped him, how he feels as though I don't love him because he is in a nursing facility, how he wants to come home & doesn't care what his doctors have to say, & so many other things that I don't feel comfortable mentioning.

Over that past year, I have allowed my emotions to take control of my daily life -- that's not a good thing. I know that God made humans to be emotional being, but I have been overly emotional & that is not a good thing. Hindsight is definitely 20/20 & that has never been more true. Looking back over this past year, I have learned that I need to let things roll off my back a lot more. I need to focus on my relationship with God a lot more & in turn I will be able to get a better handle on my life. I need to focus on Taylor & help him focus on his relationship with God as well. Above all I need to focus on my relationship with Daron in this new phase that we are in. Our marriage will never be the way that it was a few years ago. That phase is done & I need to learn how to make things work in this new phase. I know that with God's help I can get through everything.

Struggles

I have been struggling to.... ....get out of bed in the morning. ....be a good mom. ....take care of my house. ....take care of myself. ...