June 27, 2013

Emotional Roller Coaster

The first time I ever went on a roller coaster was the Summer of 1998. I had just finished my Junior year of High School & I was planning a trip to Cedar Point with some friends. Before we went, I wanted to go on a local roller coaster so I wouldn't freak out once we got there. Michigan's Adventure had just opened Shivering Timbers & that was my first roller coaster. I was scared out of my mind because I didn't know what to expect!! Even though I was scared, I got on & just went with the ups, downs, twists & turns that came along with the ride.

That is how I am feeling a lot these days. I am scared out of my mind since I don't know what each day is going to bring. But, I know that God is in control of each day. So I just get on, buckle up & go with the ride. Most days I wake up in a great mood - happy to face another day that God has granted me. Sometimes that feeling lasts for half of the day. Sometimes that feeling only lasts a few hours. Then I get bummed out, angry, frustrated, exhausted with whatever is going on & I just want to climb back in bed.

Other days I wake up dreading the day & I spend most of the day in the house with all of the curtains closed. On those days, I want to ignore my phone, email, facebook, the door, etc. I don't want to talk to anyone because I don't want to hear any bad news or anything. Those days don't come very often, which I am thankful for! I don't like when those days come along, though. I have started fighting my way through those days & forcing myself to leave the house. I do that in order to teach Taylor how to handle himself when he has days like that.

My emotional roller coaster is different from those of others - thank goodness. God created each of us differently & so we each face different emotional roller coaster. Taylor laughs at this, but I tell him that I can't always be a happy-go-lucky type of person with rainbows coming out of my backside. That's not me. That's never been me. Yes I can fake it & pretend to be happy all the time, but then I am lying to myself & those around me & lying is a sin. I don't like putting on a mask just to leave the house, hang out with friends, go to church, go grocery shopping or anything else that puts me around people. Again, that makes me feel like I am lying to myself & others by doing that.

Granted, I don't want people to think that I am miserable & that I complain all the time. I'd loose all of my friends if I did that. I do, however, want to feel like I can be open, honest & transparent with people. Maybe not everyone I come into contact with, but with the people I see on a regular basis at least.


When I am going through all of the twists & turns of my emotional roller coaster, I am so thankful that God is right there with me. He is protecting me from things that could be worse then what I am having to deal with. He is keeping me in place & on the right track for my life. I know for a fact that I would not be able to deal with any of this if He was not there with me. I am sure that I would be in the deepest, darkest depths of depression with no way out.

God has always used music to help me face certain emotions, or express those emotions. Tenth Avenue North has a new song out that brings me to tears every time I hear it. It completely describes where I am & how I feel lately. It is entitled "Worn" - the video & lyrics are below.

If you are worn out from life & you don't know Christ as Savior, I urge you to find someone to talk to. You can send me a comment (no on but me sees them). You can go to a local church & talk to the Pastor. You do not have to go through this alone!! God created you & He loves you more then any person on this earth will ever be able to. He doesn't want you to go through this life & all of it's heartaches alone. He is reaching out to you right now. All you need to do is reach out, take His hand & ask Him to be your personal Savior & Lord. Please don't wait any longer. The weight from this sinful world can & will crush you without Christ there to help you. Christ came to this sinful world, took on our sinful flesh & died on a cross so that you don't have to struggle anymore. He died so that you can live a free life.

If you are a Christian & you are feeling worn out from everything, I pray that God will take that burden from you. He can handle all of the weight & you don't need to carry any of it around anymore. Let go of the burdens. While writing this post, that is what I did. I prayed & handed the entire burden to God. I know that He will carry it for me until it is gone. I just need to remember to pray every day & keep giving him that burden back. We all struggle with fully letting go. We just need to remember that it is a daily struggle for awhile & this it gets easier. Once we see that He can truly handle everything we give Him, we will not want to carry any of it every again. I pray that you will find that hope, peace & reassurance as well.


WORN
By Tenth Avenue North

Verse one:  
I'm tired I'm worn 
My heart is heavy  
From the work it takes 
to keep on breathing 
I've made mistakes I've let my hope fail  
My soul feels crushed by the weight of this world  

Pre-chorus:  
And I know that you can give me rest  
So I cry out with all that I have left 

Chorus: 
Let me see redemption win  
Let me know the struggle ends  
That you can mend a heart that's frail and torn 
I want to know a song can rise 
from ashes of a broken life  
And all that's dead inside can be reborn 
Cause i'm worn  

Verse two:  
I know I need to lift my eyes up  
But I'm to weak  
Life just won't let up  

Pre-chorus  
And I know that you can give me rest  
So I cry out with all that I have left  

Chorus:  
Oh Let me see redemption win 
Let me know the struggle ends  
That you can mend a heart that's frail and torn 
I want to know a song can rise 
from the ashes of a broken life  
And all that's dead inside can be reborn 
Cause I'm worn  

Bridge: 
My prayers are wearing thin 
Ya I'm worn  
Even before the day begins 
Ya I'm worn  
I've lost my will to fight 
I'm worn 
So heaven come and flood my eyes  

Final Chorus:  
Let me see redemption wins  
Let me know the struggle ends  
That you can mend a heart that's frail and torn 
I want to know a song can rise 
from the ashes of a broken life  
And all that's dead inside can be reborn  
Yes, all that's dead inside will be reborn  
Though I'm worn 
Ya I'm worn

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