February 25, 2014

It's been a long, difficult few months

I know that it has been awhile since I last posted a blog update. But there are some things going on that have made it tough to be completely open & honest these past few months. God has really been working in my life.....which means that Satan has been trying to pull me down every chance he can get. Let me try & explain.

On December 23, 2013 Daron told me that he wanted a divorce. He wanted this because he thought it would be the best way to protect Taylor & I. Needless to say, this hit me like a ton of bricks & over time I became extremely angry with him to the point of almost filing for divorce myself. I knew that I needed to get some things figured out in my heart after realizing just how angry I was. Honestly, I was angry to the point that I requested no contact between Daron & I in any way (this included phone calls, texts & visits). The anger was also seeping into my parenting, my friendships, my work & every other aspect of my life.

Well the Lord spent a lot of time grabbing a hold of me & showing me what I needed to change. My pastor has been preaching some amazing sermons that have basically hit me between the eyes every Sunday morning. I knew that God must really want me to pay attention & make changes in my life.

Thankfully He showed me the path I needed to take & after a long cry fest I repented for sinning with my anger, doubting Him & failing to have the faith I need to get through this whole situation. I ended the no contact with Daron by visiting him & forgiving him for everything. I also apologized to him for being so angry with him.

Now comes the hard part....leaving the past in the past & letting God continue to work in my life. But I know that God has a greater purpose for me & I want Him to use me to my full potential. Since that cry fest I feel like a giant boulder has been lifted off my shoulders & I can finally be the real me again. I no longer feel like I have to put on my happy-go-lucky mask anymore when I leave the house. I no longer feel the uncontrollable anger taking over & I am happier. I'm back into reading my Bible on a daily basis & I truly enjoy going to church again.

Please continue to pray for my family. Satan is working overtime trying to tear us a part. I know that most of the time Daron honestly doesn't mean the hurtful things he says. He can't control them anymore due to the MS. But my continued prayer is that I will be able to differentiate the things he means from the things he doesn't.

Thank you again for walking with us as we go through this journey. God never said our lives would be easy....but He promises to give us the strength we need for each new day.

Struggles

I have been struggling to.... ....get out of bed in the morning. ....be a good mom. ....take care of my house. ....take care of myself. ...