November 16, 2015
For the past few days I have been wondering why I haven't shed any tears over what's going on with Daron. I figured it was because I have to stay strong for Taylor. I have to be Taylor's rock through this while thing.
Well...last night the tears came when I least expected them.
I was about to fall asleep, Taylor was out in the living in his rocking chair as usual. I had a flash in my minds eye about Daron passing away. In that flash the tears started to fall....just a few at first & I thought I'd be able to wipe them away & go to sleep. I was wrong. Those few tears turned into a stream of tears followed by gut-wrenching sobs. I was worried that I'd wake Taylor up, but I couldn't stop them.
Those sobs came from a place I didn't realize truly existed. Those sobs took my breath away to the point I freaked out over crying that hard. I don't know how long I cried. I do know thay it in the midst of the gut-wrenching sobs I cried out to God. I laid everything at His feet. I begged Him to take away my tears. I begged Him to end Daron's suffering. I begged Him to end my suffering. I begged Him to hold me & carry me through this.
Then I told God, & reminded myself, that I trust His plan for Daron's life. I trust His plan for my life. I trust that all of this will work out the way it is supposed to in His timing. I also told God that even though I trust His plan, I need Him to keep that at the front of my mind at all times. I mean, it's always easier to say I trust something, but it's a lot harder to truly remember that on a daily basis.
Tears - they can be shed for all sorts of reaaons. They can also be a way of washing the soul clean & starting fresh when you need it the most. My prayer is that I will be open to crying more often - for good or bad - & letting each tear I shed remind me of the plan God has for my life, Daron's life & for our family.
How is it possible that two years ago today Daron left this earth and entered Heaven? It still feels like it was yesterday at times. This y...
This past weekend (October 20-22) I went to a widows retreat. It was a blessed weekend & I came home refreshed in my soul. While there, ...
I have been struggling to.... ....get out of bed in the morning. ....be a good mom. ....take care of my house. ....take care of myself. ...
In all honesty, I am still struggling with getting into my Bible every day. Without thinking I go straight to Facebook, my email or somethin...