August 13, 2016

Two Weeks.....Still Surreal

Two weeks have passed since I sat at Darons bedside as he took his final breath on earth.
Two weeks have passed since my world turned upside down & everything changed.

Honestly, I don't even know how two weeks have passed already. It still seems like just yesterday & some days it seems like a month or more has gone by.

Most of my days are spent in auto mode - I wake up & then I go to bed without even processing the day as a whole. I know that I spend time with Taylor, take the dog outside, eat something at some point.....but I do that every day really. Other days I try to plan some sort of activity outside of the house just to make myself leave the house. Most of the time I just want to stay home & hold onto something of Daron's. I just want to let the tears come & not have to worry about others seeing my grief.

Can it really be two weeks already?

Can it really only be a week since the funeral & five days since the burial?

That doesn't seem right to me. It seems like it should be longer. At the same time it still feels like I should be able to go see him & give him another hug & kiss. It seems like this is all some horrible dream that I can't wake up from. No matter how hard I pinch myself, I can't wake up from this.

This new reality.....this new path.....this new journey.....this new pain......this new loneliness.....this new emptiness......

Empty vs Lonely - yes there is a difference. When Daron was in the VA facility, I was lonely at home, but I could go visit him & spend time with him. Now that he is gone, part of me is gone & I feel empty. I feel like half of my heart is missing. I have memories & pictures, but that's all I have of him now. I also have Taylor - who looks like his Dad - & I am grateful that I have him to keep me busy during the day.

It is the quiet moments when the memories creep in or when I see a picture or hear a song that reminds me of Daron.....those are the difficult times. Those are the times that the tears flow like rivers down my cheeks & I let them.

God has promised to take care of me through all of this & He keeps His promises all the time. I am grateful for that. I am grateful that God is carrying me through this difficult time in my life. I don't have the strength to get through any of this myself. Honestly, I barely have the strength to get out of bed at times - it's God's strength that gets me out of bed each morning. God will replace my emptiness with His love & grace when His time is perfect. I am holding tight to that promise.

Two weeks ago I said goodbye to the love of my life on this earth - to Daron, it has only been mere seconds in Heaven. I hold tight to the promise that I will see him at the Pearly Gates of Heaven when my time on earth is complete. Until then......I will work through this grief, walk this path, let God carry me when I can't walk anymore, embrace my tears when they come, raise my son to the best of my ability with God's help & take each moment as it comes.

August 10, 2016

Thank You

The family of 
Daron Austin Tilburt 
would like to thank you from the bottom of our hearts for the cards, flowers & kind expressions of sympathy shown during his passing. Your thoughtful presence & prayers have touched our family deeply & will always be remembered with love. 

Thank you does not seem like enough to truly express our gratitude to everyone during this time of loss. Such an outpouring of love, care, concern, prayers, kind thoughts, words of sympathy, hugs & support needs more then just two simple words of thankfulness. But those two words, Thank You, can carry so much weight with them in circumstances like this. We are truly thankful for everything that you have shown to us as individuals & as a whole family. 

Thank you for your continued prayers as we navigate through this new part of our journey. We greatly appreciate each of you!

August 4, 2016

Daron Austin Tilburt - Obituary

For those who have not see this yet & would like to.......

tilburtdaron717


Service Information

Daron Austin Tilburt 
Visitation:  Saturday, from 10:30 - 11:30 am prior to the service at the church
Service: 11:30 am Saturday, August 6, at Good News Baptist Church, 6830 Eastern Ave. SE
Cemetery: Ft. Custer National CemeteryAugusta, MI
Memorials: Memorial contributions may be directed in Daron's name to the National MS Society, 21311 Civic Center Drive
SouthfieldMI 48076  http://www.nationalmssociety.org/Donate or to the Good News Baptist Church Building Fun
d.

 Daron Austin Tilburt, age 44, entered Heaven's glory on Saturday, July 30, 2016, following a brave battle with Multiple Sclerosis.  He was the youngest son of Rev. Robert and Thelma (Taylor) Tilburt.  He proudly served in the United States Army and was an avid skydiver. He is survived by his wife of 13 years, Cathy (Lovegrove); his sons, Tige, Aidan and Taylor; his parents; his brothers, Mark and Bryan (Ann Marie); his five nephews and two nieces; his in-laws and extended family; along with many friends. He was reunited with is paternal and maternal grandparents. A Celebration of Life service will be held at 11:30 am on Saturday, August 6, 2016 at Good News Baptist Church, 6830 Eastern Ave. SE, Grand Rapids, MI. The family requests that those in attendance wear Orange or Red, White and Blue to honor Daron. The family will visit with loved ones and friends one hour before the service. A family burial service with military honors will be held at Fort Custer National Cemetery. In lieu of flowers, memorial contributions may be directed in Daron's name to the National MS Society or to the Good News Baptist Church Building Fund. The family extends their deepest gratitude for all of the care, love, and friendships he received from the staff at the Battle Creek VAMC.


Thoughts & Ramblings of a Grieving Widow

In October of 2007 I was at the bedside of my Grandpa, James Orr, as he took his final breath on this earth. I remember every detail to this day & I have looked back on that day a lot over the past few weeks. I have shared the details of my Grandpa's passing with many different people because it was a very peaceful time.

On July 30, 2016 I was at the bedside of my husband, Daron, as he took his final breath on this earth. I remember every detail & I know those details will never leave me. Daron passed peacefully just like my Grandpa did. The only difference - I am not quick to share the details of Daron's passing with anyone outside of my family & very close circle of friends. I'm not ready to let others into that personal moment of my life just yet. I'm not ready to share my final moments with my husband with the world. I will share them eventually with everyone because I know that is what Daron would want me to do. But for now, I am holding my final moments to myself & cherishing them along with the good memories I have with Daron.

As I approach one last "final" in my relationship with Daron on this earth, I am finding myself clinging to that reminder more & more. When I was getting bogged down with finalizing funeral preparations, going through photos, finding an outfit to wear, etc; I was constantly reminding myself that this is only here on earth & it's only for a moment in the grand scheme of things. Granted, there are moments when that doesn't help & I find myself complaining to God - I'm only human after all. In the moments of complaining to or questioning God about all that has taken place, I am grateful that God wants me to come to Him like that. I am grateful that He is my Father who wants to hear all of my issues, screams, crying, arguing, complaining, yelling, frustrations - everything. He has never said that we are only to bring our prayers of thanksgiving to Him & nothing else. He isn't a God who needs to be reminded of how good He is all the time. Yes, we are to bring our prayers of thanksgiving to Him & thank Him for His goodness, but those aren't the only things He wants to hear from us. Lately, my prayers end with thanking God all that He has given me but they don't always start that way & that's ok. God is ok with how I communicate with Him - if He wasn't, I'm sure I wouldn't be here anymore.

I am thankful that my Heavenly Father loves me enough to sit & listen to my outpouring of emotions from every end of the spectrum. I am thankful that my Heavenly Father loves me enough to take my outpouring & turn it into something for His glory & for my good. If I didn't pour out my heart & go through every emotion under the sun right now, I would be a miserable person. I know that not everyone wants to sit with a grieving widow whose trying to raise a pre-teen boy......but God does. I know that not everyone wants to offer me a shoulder to cry on.....but God offers His all the time, 24/7. I know that not everyone want to sit & listen to me ramble on & in circles about what I'm going through right now.....but God loves to sit with me & listen to everything I have to say. He may not answer my questions right away, or at all, but He listens with love. He grieves with me. He holds me & wipes my tears. He already knows what I am going to ramble on about before the thoughts come to my mind, but He still listens to every word & syllable. That is amazing to me!

Thank you for your prayers during this time. Please keep them coming - the funeral is on Saturday & the burial is on Monday. I know that God will give me the grace & strength I need for both of those events, but I covet your prayers over my family & Daron's family as we say our final goodbyes on this earth.

August 1, 2016

Final Goodbye

On Wednesday, July 27, my mother-in-law & I went to Battle Creek for a care team meeting. We were told that Daron was nearing the end of his journey. After the meeting, we went & visited Daron for a little while. A few hours after getting home, I received a call from Daron's doctor letting me know that he had about 24-48 hours. So my mother-in-law & I went back to Battle Creek to stay at Daron's bedside so he wouldn't be alone.

We stayed over on Wednesday night and Thursday night thinking God would take him Home on Friday......but Friday came & went & Daron was still holding on. Saturday, July 30, we watched Daron slowly decline more & more throughout the day. The Lord graciously called him Home at 2:27pm on July 30th with his parents & myself at his bedside. Daron passed very peacefully from this world to Heavens glory & we are thankful for that.

We are also very thankful for the amazing care that Daron received at the Battle Creek VAMC over the past 5 years. We truly discovered how much the staff cares for our nations veterans while we were there around the clock. There was a pretty constant stream of staff coming into the room to express their sympathies & their care for Daron. They each shared stories of how much Daron touched their lives, changed the way they took care of people, made their day better, made them laugh, and so many more amazing stories. I am beyond grateful that Daron made so many amazing friends there - we consider each of them part of our family now.

I know the days ahead will be difficult for all of us, but I know that God will give each of us the strength we need.

Enjoy your Heavenly Home my beloved Daron. I promise you that you will never be forgotten & that you will always be in our hearts. Enjoy skydiving in the endless clear blue sky. We will see you soon, my love!

Daron Austin Tilburt
April 15, 1972 - July 30, 2016

Struggles

I have been struggling to.... ....get out of bed in the morning. ....be a good mom. ....take care of my house. ....take care of myself. ...