September 10, 2016

Difficult Times Ahead

I can still vividly remember where I was when 9/11 happened. I can also remember meeting Daron within 2 week of 9/11 happening. I remember talking with him about his military service & how he wanted to go back but couldn't due to his MS. All of this still feels like it happened yesterday & not 15 years ago. It also still doesn't feel like he's been gone a month. I still think that I can go visit him at the VA & give him a hug. I think that is the hardest thing to handle. I get in the car on the weekends & my brain wants to go to the VA. I have even caught myself driving in that direction without realizing it, no matter if my destination is in that direction or not.

There are so many memories around this time of year as well. So much of our relationship starting took place during the months of September & October of 2001. Not to mention our engagement in September 2002 & our wedding in October 2002. The next few months are going to be the toughest for me emotionally.

A lot of "first one without Daron" will happen in a short amount of time:

  • My Birthday 
    • This year I spent my birthday weekend in Mackinaw City & on Mackinac Island just to get out of the house & make new memories surrounding my birthday. It was still tough since Daron & I always talked of going to Mackinac Island together. Now I can do all of the things we talked of doing over the year with Taylor & make our own memories. 
  • Start of a new school year
    • Taylor is now in 7th grade & I am thankful to be back at work. School & work are good distractions for both of us right now. It keeps us busy physically & mentally.
  • First time we met online 
    • For those who don't know - Yes, Daron & I met on an online dating website. We did not meet in person until our first date. We spent a month talking online or on the phone just getting to know each other by personality only. I think it helped to build a solid base for our relationship. 
  • Wedding Anniversary & Anniversary of first date
    • These dates are one day apart. We got married the day before our one year anniversary. It made it easy for Daron to remember both dates. This year marks 15 years together & 14 years married.
  • Veterans Day
  • His Dad Birthday
  • Thanksgiving
  • Taylor's Birthday
    • This is the one that I think will be the hardest. Taylor turns 13 this year! 
  • Christmas
That is a lot to put into a few months after Daron's passing. I know that God will carrying me through all of these tough times & I am thankful for that. I am also thankful to have many caring friends who I know are praying for me during this time. 

I know that the times ahead will be tough & I know that I will have emotional breakdowns when I least expect them. I know that I can't prepare myself for any of the emotions that will hit out of nowhere (I really wish I could though).  I will just continue to rely on God's strength to carry me through each moment, day, week, month, year, memory - that's all I can do at this point.

Thank you again for your prayers during this time. They are appreciated more then I can express!

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