May 22, 2017

Time To Stop Blogging???

So it's been almost a month since my last post. There are few reasons for that.....some I can explain & some that I can't for various reasons. Life has been crazy in our household. With school/work getting ready to end for the school year (WooHoo) we are just go, go, go around here. With school getting ready to end that means VBS prep is in full swing. That also means that life is just crazy. So I have been away from the blog just trying to stay afloat. 

I have also been away from the blog because I'm not sure how I should continue the blog - or if I should continue to blog at all. I have always said that my blog is where I can be open & honest with myself & with the readers. I have also said that you, the reader, have the choice of reading my posts or not. This is an outlet for me to get my thoughts & feelings out into the open.  

I understand that it is hard to figure out the emotions that I am feeling while reading words on a screen. I understand that can cause you, the reader, to interpret what I am writing differently. I understand that there are people in the world who don't want such openness & honesty. I understand that my openness & honesty can offend, upset, bother, & push people away sometimes. That is not my intent at all with this personal blog.

Please know & understand that I am not trying to call anyone out, push anyone away, make anyone feel like I am picking on them, etc. I am just working through my thought pattern right now. I am trying to make sure that I am doing what I feel is best for myself during this time of my life. 

I am trying to let others into my life, to get a glimpse of my life, so they can better pray for Taylor & I. I am trying to let God use my struggles, pain, journey, grief as a way to bring others to Him. I know that my blog doesn't always show that.....that is real life for me right now. I want this blog to bring glory to God, not to me. I am trying to help another young widow as she faces life without her husband. I am trying to let her know that it is okay to feel the way she is feeling towards everything in life. I am trying to show others that it is only by God's help, strength, grace, mercy & peace that I am even able to get up in the morning. I want this blog to be a way to help others who are struggling with their faith, journey, life to know that God will always be there right beside them. I'm not perfect & I never claim to be. 

Truthfully, this blog started out as a way to keep our extended family members updated on Daron's health. Many of them are not on Facebook & I don't have their email addresses. But I could easily share a link with my family & my in-laws that they could pass on to others in the family. It really did help & make life easier at the time to just type everything into one place. Now, it has become my solace & my therapy in a way. It allows me to open up & share what I am dealing with & how I am asking God to help me grow through this journey.

I pray over every post before I publish it. I pray before I even start typing the post. I ask God to use this for His glory. I ask God to write into my posts what He wants me to share. There are times when I write a post & then delete it because it is a true stumbling block. Granted, I know there are posts that some would say should never have been posted.....but there are true to life & sometimes life is ugly, gritty, tough to handle. Those posts are ones that I felt someone needed to read to know that it is okay to be angry with God, angry with the journey you are on, angry with the struggles you are facing.  It is okay & God wants us to be open with Him, even though He knows what we are thinking 24/7. He wants to hear us call out to Him & complain, yell, cry, scream, blame, beg, everything that comes with this life. He can handle it! He wants to handle it for us!

But again, for this world, for this life, for those around me.....If my blog has become a stumbling point or has pushed you out of my life for what ever reason, is it worth keeping my blog active? I will continue praying about this, but I didn't want you to think that I was neglecting my blog or neglecting you.

So, with that said.....I may be closing down my blog in the very near future. I haven't decided yet & I am still praying about it. I have always said that I don't want my blog to be a stumbling point for those who read it. But, if I am pushing people away, offending people, upsetting people, bothering people & being a stumbling block in their lives, their faith & their walk with God......is it even worth it anymore?

Please pray with me that I follow God's plan for my life. Please pray that I will continue to grow in Him & follow Him daily. Please pray that I will let the Spirit move in my life & accept that moving. 

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Struggles

I have been struggling to.... ....get out of bed in the morning. ....be a good mom. ....take care of my house. ....take care of myself. ...